Things your Hubby Needs to Hear From You

I believe that God made us, as women, to be helpmeets for our husbands.  That's our job.  It's not our only job but it is a very important one.  So I got to thinking about what exactly Hubby needs from me.  Of course, there are the obvious things... like he really needs me to help match his ties, shirts, coats, and pants!  He needs me to make sure he eats a balanced diet.  He needs me to run the household.  He needs me to mother his children.  He needs me to make sure the shower is cleaned every now and again and to mop his coffee drips off the counter.  But one of the things that I think he needs most from me is to balance all the negative messages that the world sends his way everyday.  He also needs me to speak truth to him when the world would have him believe a lie or maybe just when he has convinced himself of some crazy notion!

 So what kinds of things do ours hubs need to hear from us....

The short list....

1.  I love you.  I know that maybe you think you need to hear it from him more than he needs to hear it from you but he needs it.  He actually needs to hear it with some specifics.  For example "I love you because you cry at the end of sappy movies.  Or I love you because you are so sweet to our little old lady neighbor.  I don't know what it is that makes you go "Awwww" about him but you do so tell him.  

2.  You are completely amazing!!  Not just what you do but who you are!  You are an amazing person!    I am sure that there isn't another person on the planet as fantastic as you!  It may sound a bit over-the-top and it might make him giggle but it will also make him smile.  :-)

Those are easy-peasy compared to this one.... especially if you are dying to tell your story (like I so often am) or have some task you just have to get done (my list of things to accomplish has be pushed aside for a few minutes).  

3.  Tell me about it.  I want to hear about....  I have time to listen.  (Then you have to really listen. Eye contact, hands still, the whole sha-bang!)  :-) 

All of those are relatively easy compared to this last one.  This one has to be delivered with the right attitude. It can't smack of  any amount of snottiness or snideness or know-it-allishness.  (My made up words!)

4.  Honey, I think you are wrong about this.  You might consider this side of it, Sweetie.  Darling, are you sure that's what he meant when he said that?  Maybe he just meant this...  You get the idea.  Sometimes we have to be the voice of reason when hubs get bent out of shape over something and just can't wrap his brain around it.

I promise your hubby needs to hear these things from you.  Tell him the first one at every opportunity.  Use the second one as often as possible.  Look for every reason to use #3.  Save the fourth one for very important situations where hubs is struggling with something and never use it out of anger or spite.  Be the helper that God designed for your husband.   He put you together because you are specifically suited to each other.  Be that wife that your hubby needs.  

For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo

One of my fav bloggers posted this today.  Check her out.  It must be Jesus trying to get through to me in some way that He laid my post on my heart last evening and then this one hits my inbox today!!  :)

 Women Living Well Revive Your Marriage Series

How to Fight Fair - NOT!

I am not one that is know for holding my tongue.  I wish I was.  It is a trait that I admire in others and one that I have asked God for help with oh, so very with many times!  (My request usually results in a test within just a few hours... and I typically fail miserably!)  Anyway, my point is that when hubby and I disagree, I often don't hold my tongue.   Unfortunately, it seems I must have my say.  Now we can disagree about some things and that is all it is... disagreeing.  But there are other things that we can't disagree on without it becoming more than that.
So when the disagreement becomes more than a disagreement how do you handle it?  How do you fight fair....

A few tips...

1.  If the other person raises their voice, take yours up several decibels, just to be sure that you are
     noticed and your point is made!

2.  Sarcasm is very important.  Master the art of snottiness.  The snippiest, snottiest retort wins!

3.  Creative name-calling is a skill to be developed and honed.  Use a dictionary in your spare time to
     look up nasty names.

4.  If you can't win, at least don't lose!  Don't let the other person make their point.  Interrupt, pout, use
     tears, whatever works!  If you are physically bigger than the other person, use your size to your
     advantage.  At all costs and whatever it takes... don't let them make their point!

5.  Bring up past transgressions.  Forgiveness is waaayyy over-rated! especially if you're losing the
     argument!  Not only might you have enough ammunition to make the other person feel badly about  
     themselves but even if you can't do that you can deflect the argument to one you can win, one where
     the other person messed up before.

Obviously I am writing tongue-in-cheek but I think that as women sometimes we don't fight fair.  (Maybe I shouldn't generalize like that... maybe it's just me!) I will admit, much to my chagrin, that I have used these tactics at times.  Sometimes without really realizing it and other times with absolute complete knowledge and malice of forethought!  :-/  Sometimes things become so hard to discuss rationally.  Let me encourage you to examine if what you what to discuss really is that important.  There really are some things worth discussing in a marriage even though it may be difficult to do that without getting upset and the discussion turning into an "argument".  However, these things don't include what kind of flooring you want for the family room or whether or not you should spend Christmas with his parents or yours.  While both of those things have to be decided eventually they are rarely worth a true argument.  I have cried and screeched and pouted and manipulated my way through lots of issues in our marriage.  (head hanging... not at all proud) But I have learned a few things through the years.  This isn't to say that hubby and I never have arguments anymore because we do.  In fact, an argument prompted this blog post!  An argument over flooring in our family room!!!  (red faced and embarrassed at my silliness!)

I will tell you that prayer changes a lot of things including minds.  At times it has changed my mind; other times it has changed hubby's.  It has changed circumstances so that there was no need for a discussion that could have turned into an argument.  And it has changed hearts after an argument so that forgiveness is genuine and true.  I have talked to Jesus just like he was my girlfriend.  Please... don't think I'm being sacrilegious!  I just mean that sometimes I just poured my heart out to Him.  I told him things like the fact that my feelings were hurt and that I didn't even like my husband right then.  I've even told Him that I wished I could punch hubby in the nose!  Sometimes at the end of those conversations with Jesus I feel silly but I never feel unloved!  I know he understands.  Sometimes the Lover of my soul shows me how silly I have been.  Sometimes He reminds me of all the wonderful things that I truly treasure about hubby.  Sometimes I know He says that I will just have to endure whatever little thing has bothered me so badly!  (I don't like this answer too much!!)  But whatever the answer I can say with 100% assurance that I feel better after a talk with Jesus.  I am also able to act more like the Godly wife that I really desire to be.

It might be that some of you are railing against this idea that I have changed my mind or my heart has been changed instead of me winning the argument.... hmmmm, me too! Sometimes!  You know that country song where she sings that she just "wants to be mad for a while"?  That's me sometimes!!  But it really doesn't get me anywhere.  Hubby is usually oblivious to it and if he does notice he has been known to dig his heels in a bit deeper! (Imagine, a stubborn man?! NEVER!)  But I don't really want to live in a marriage where I am mad or where I manipulate my sweetheart.  Often a wife wants hubby to change his ways but I have found in my marriage (and I suspect that this is true in most marriages) I can't change hubby.  He has free will.  He will do what he wants.  If I want to be pleasing to the Lover of my soul I have to do the right thing and let hubby figure out what the right thing is for him on his own.  I can only figure this out for me and sometimes that is quite a chore!  (Truly, hubby usually figures it out! Usually sooner rather than later and I don't get pegged as the holier-than-thou, nagging wife!  I think he suspects that I pray his way to some changes of heart and mind though. :-] But... what husband wouldn't want a wife that prays for him?!)

For the Lover of your soul and mine,

Laurie Jo  

Musings on Marriage and Woohoo! :-)

Hubby and I went on a little date.  We took the evening of 'no football' to run out and see a movie.  Several friends had told me how good it was and how funny "Hope Springs" was.  I wasn't disappointed.  It was funny in parts but it had more parts that were just sad to me.  I would recommend it but it isn't a romantic comedy! (I would not recommend it for children or even teens.  There is frank discussion about sexual matters and  besides that I don't think they would enjoy it at all! or , at least, I don't think my 18 and 19 yo DSs would!)  It is about an empty-nester couple who are in a total rut in their marriage.  They work, she cooks, he eats and watches the Golf Channel.  They aren't intimate anymore and haven't been for over 4 years!  I will tell you that I am completely saddened by this. I got the feeling from nervous laughter in the theater that this situation isn't that uncommon.  In the movie it finally comes out that she often turned him away earlier in their marriage.  Of course, this isn't the only problem or really even the biggest problem.  They also have trouble communicating.... about everything but, of course, that means there is trouble communicating in intimate situations too.  He has shut her off and she has clammed up.   Just like my mammaw said "Two wrongs don't make a right." These things and some others have added up to her being dissatisfied with the marriage.  The catch is she still really loves him and he loves her too.  They just really vacuum (that's my word for  'sucks' because I hate that word!) at it!  It got me to thinking though.  What could she have done differently to avoid this problem.  Here are my muddled musings....

(BTW, I am writing about what she could have done because I think I probably have a predominantly female readership on this blog.  I am mulling over a post about what he could have done.  Maybe.. someday... because I figure there might be a few men out there reading too.)

1.  Don't turn your husband away when it comes to sexual intimacy.  Why?

Because he loves you... no matter what size you are or whether you have shaved your legs today.  It doesn't bother him that you are wearing an old t-shirt to bed.  In fact, he might like it. :)  He needs you.  Men have a need for physical intimacy and it can sometimes be a gateway to emotional intimacy.  Ladies, I know that we are often wired in exactly the opposite way.  We need emotional intimacy before we feel "romantically inclined" but it's okay to do it the other way around sometimes too.

Now don't get me wrong... sometimes... if you are sick or dead on your feet or ??? of course, it's OK to say to your sweet hubby "Honey, I just don't feel good or I'm just too tired' but as a general rule take the good advice given to me by an older woman shortly before my wedding.... "Don't say No very often."  She actually told me that if I didn't say no I would probably find myself having a good time before too long anyway and end up not regretting it.  She has been right many, many times.  ;)

2.   Be a fun, creative partner.

Men who love their wives often get a great deal of satisfaction from providing a pleasurable experience for their wife.  We should do the same.  We should be willing to allow our hubby to please us and willing to do things that please him.  Again, a caveat... I don't mean that you should do things that are physically uncomfortable but don't refuse do something because you have some notion from somewhere in your past that it's nasty or disgusting or ????  Ladies, God created sexual intimacy.  He wants us to enjoy it!  Have a little fun with it!  Be adventurous!  (Of course, this is within the confines of things that you and hubby both agree to and within the boundaries of your marriage but after that anything else is fair game.)  That same wise older woman give me this good advice as well.  "Now that you're married... anything goes!"  :)

3.  Talk!!!!

For some of us this comes naturally; for others it's more difficult.  Some of us are married to guys that don't have the gift of words.  You still need to communicate with that man of yours.  If something is wrong in your marriage it won't get fixed by ignoring it.  If you need to talk, you must talk.  Talk first to the Lover of your soul.  Pour your heart out to Jesus first and ask for guidance.  Ask Him to work on you first, to fix you first!  Then if you still have a problem ask Him to give you opportunities and words to talk to your sweet husband.  Then wait!  Wait for the right time and the right words.  Sometimes it helps to write things down.  Or, at least, it helps me!  Sometimes when I write things down they sound so completely stupid or silly that I decide I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.  Other times I use my writing as a way to organize my thoughts.

Whatever you do I sincerely hope that no one reading this is as sad as the couple in this movie!  If  you are reading this and you and your hubby are struggling in this area you can know this...  right now, this evening, I have said a prayer for you that things will improve like they did for the couple in the movie!  (Sorry for the spoiler but you would have guessed it anyway!)


For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo



        

Being Chased Down and Grabbed Ahold of... by God!

Note:  If you missed my earlier blog entry about DS#5 and our adoption story you might want to go back and read that one first.

I have heard about people being chased by God but I have never really felt chased down.  This story I am about to share with you is a true chase down.... by God..... of DS#5.

To set the scene.... It's a gorgeous Friday night in August.  The marching band plays the National Anthem.  The cheerleaders sing the school song.  The team is gathered waiting to storm the field.  Friday Night Lights, the real thing.  (I love football!)  I get the text.....

"I'm by the concession stand.  I'm 6'2"so I'm hard to miss.  Wearing a gray t-shirt, headed your way."

I was about to met DS#5's third grade teacher.  Let's call her A.  And sure enough, I didn't miss her.  She was tall and beautiful....  inside and out.

I knew she was coming to the game and was excited to meet her.  You see, I had been hearing about this woman for a while now.  She is pretty much DS#5's only positive memory of life before foster care.  In fact, he has said that she was "like a mother" to him for that year of his life.  He has said this a few times and it always makes me sad and thankful and scared.  Sad that he had to have a teacher "be like a mom" to him.  Thankful that this lovely young woman was willing to "be like a mom" to him.  And scared that some student may have needed this from me and I missed it.  :/

That year A. was a first year teacher.  I think she was 24 at the time.  She was a newly-wed with a new house.  Her husband was a youth minister and a high school teacher.   They had a couple of needy teenage boys (in a bad foster care situation) that stayed with them pretty much all the time.  One of them had special needs.  Her life was full of challenges.  But A. loves Jesus and because of her love of Jesus and her reliance on Him she was able to meet those challenges and fall in love with my sweet baby.

She tells me he was angry and that his home life was very difficult.  She tells me that even through his anger she could see a little boy underneath with a heart full of compassion and a need for love.  I know that little boy.... he moved in with us 4 years ago.... I'm not really sure where he went or when he left but I know this: we don't see him much anymore.  :)

She recalls that #5 was kind of a bully.  (Yep, I've met that guy too.)  But that he really wanted to have friends and that she thought he was mostly frustrated with trying to fit in. (Ummm, yep, again.)  She remembers that she would take him to the gym during recess and they would play basketball together instead of letting him go to the playground, just so he wouldn't get in trouble.  She tells me that  she never met birth mom but never heard anything good about her.  (Not a surprise to me!)  She tells me that she has been praying for my little guy ever since she had him in class and has often wondered what had happened to him.  (I have to tell you that as I proofread this it makes me chuckle at calling him "my little guy"!  He's 6'2" and 245lbs!)

A. recalls the day last spring when her school secretary came to her room and told her that a kid had called school and asked if she still taught there and then asked to speak to her.  He told the secretary that his name had changed but that he used to go by Joey.  A. knew immediately who was on the phone and made a few moments to talk to him.  He told her that she had "changed his life" and that if it was okay with her he would like to see her and he wanted to let her know that he "was okay"!  Through tears she thanked him for calling her and told him that she would love to see him again!

That afternoon he talked to his dad and later me on the phone. (I was in Pittsburgh that week with one of my research students at the International Science and Engineering Fair.)  He told us that he had contacted A. and that he really wanted to go see her again.  He told us again how important she had been to him that year.  He doesn't often share stuff about his past with us.  He has told us things but it isn't some  place he dwells a lot.  (I think because it was so bad and the now is so much better.)  But when he does tell us about his "before us" life we definitely perk up and listen.  Of course, his daddy and I told him he could go meet her.  And I breathed a little prayer that she would understand how important she was to him.  Now I understand that no prayers are wasted.... you can't waste a convo with your Heavenly Father.... but this one had been answered LONG before it ever flitted through my little brain!!  

One afternoon not long after that phone call #5 took to the road and headed to the school where A. still teaches.  She told me how as she looked at #5 she began to cry because she could see that he wasn't that angry little boy.  Through teary eyes she tells me about how she could see that he was now a  happy, healthy, strong young man.  She could tell while talking to him that he loves Jesus and that he really.  is.  okay.

While she tells me these things and other things about #5's past I cry.... several times!  (And while she is telling me these things #5 is on the field, snapping the ball, blocking, making stops, knocking the opponents down and then picking them up and patting them on the top of their helmets! playing a really nice game!  I see most of it through my tears!)

A. took a special interest in my baby boy.  She did a little more.  She cared.  She was hands and feet for a year for #5.  But it didn't stop there.  She continued to pray.  Prayer is soooo powerful.

It was just a little more than a year later, as #5 was about to start fifth grade, that A. heard that his B-mom had dropped him off at a DCFS office.  She was heart-broken for him.  As she told me about hearing this she teared up and says that she was really worried about him.  What does a Christian woman do when the worry rears it's ugly, joy-stealing, time-consuming head.....  she prays and that's exactly what A. did.   She prayed... some more.

And I am so glad that she prayed.  Because God heard those prayers.  He heard them and He answered them.  I wonder how many things were changed because of her prayers.  Did #5 have the courage to ask to talk with #2 that evening at camp because she was praying for him?  Knowing him now we know that would be somewhat uncharacteristic of him.  Was she praying for him when his first foster family decided to become foster parents?  They weren't his forever family but they played a crucially important role.  We were not ready and wouldn't have been able to take him if it had happened three years earlier.  Was she praying for him the day that #2 called me and asked me to pray for him as well because his B-mom had terminated her parental rights, the day that I kept hearing the Lord tell me "hands and feet, hands and feet"?  Was she praying when we had clear Saturdays for the foster parenting classes and there was room for us in those classes?  I feel sure that she prayed a quick foster parent license approval through the system and didn't even realize what she was praying for!!  I would bet hard-earned money (if I were a betting woman) that she was praying the day of that meeting.  The one where the case-worker supervisor wanted our process to take several months and everyone else in the room convinced her to let us move him home in two days!!!  I am absolutely certain that she has been praying at times when I have had supernatural, Holy Spirit-granted, patience or understanding or self-control in dealing with this big goofball of a teenage boy!  I wonder if she was praying for him every time he remembered her and that someone really did care about him.  Could she have been praying for him when he got the idea that he should call the school to ask if she still taught there so many years later?  A. tells me that her last school year ended very badly with her having to tell her class that one of her students had a serious form of leukemia.  Her summer was worse as she visited this student at the children's hospital and then again when he lost his battle just 6 weeks later.  She was struggling at the beginning of this school year when #5 emailed her to ask if she would attend his ballgame.  That invite was just what she needed to remind her of why she teaches.  Wonder who was praying for whom that time?  :)

Now, this blog post is titled "Being Chased Down and Grabbed Ahold of... by God" and so far it has been mostly about people praying and being willing to be used by God.  But that's how God chases us sometimes.... with other people as his feet and He often uses other peoples' hands to grad ahold of us.  I wonder how many times I have had a thought of good to be done, a thought planted by God, a thought prayed into my head by someone interceding for me or someone else, that I have dismissed.  I wonder who God was trying to chase down using me as his feet.  Who have I missed grabbing ahold of for Jesus?  Has he been trying to use someone to chase me down or grab ahold of me?  Have I run away from them and Him?

Lord, I'm sorry for not doing the good I could do.  Give me the strength to do the good you set before me.  Lord, help me to see the opportunity to be hands and feet for you.  Lord, give me another chance to chase and grab ahold of those people that I have missed my opportunity with.  Lord, put new people in my path to chase down for you, to grab ahold of for you.  Lord, don't let me run away from you!  I want to be caught and held onto tightly!  And Lord, thank you for the strength already given me and the answers to prayers already given. Father God, thank you so much for A, for her willingness to be hands and feet for you.  Thank you for putting her in #5's young life to love him before I could get there.  Lord, thank you for her tenacity in loving him even though she hadn't even seen him for nearly ten years!  Thank you, Lord, for the blessing, The. Absolute. Blessing. that it has been to parent this amazing young man.  It truly is one of the five greatest blessing of my life.  Thank you, Jesus, for your scarred hands and feet and your sacrifice... for me, for A., for #5, for all of us.

I would love to hear from you.  Please leave me a comment.

For the Lover and the Chaser of my soul and yours,    

Laurie Jo

Taming the Hormonal Monster!!

I teach high school biology.  I am surrounded by high school girls all day, everyday.  The other day in the hall during passing period I heard a girl being really hateful to her boyfriend.  She screeched at him, calling him a "selfish, conceited pig!"  This is not the way this young woman normally acts.  Typically she is a sweet girl and they are a sweet couple.  I have no idea what made her say that to him but as he walked away I smiled at him and he mumbled something about hormones.  (I have had both of these students in class and we learn about hormones.)  This little incident got me to thinking.... I wonder if hubby has ever walked away from me mumbling about hormones?  I wonder if I have ever called him hateful names and screeched at him because of hormones?  Who am I kidding?  Of course, I have!  And I admit that sometimes in my hormonal fog I felt completely justified in doing so.  You've surely been there too....For me, it usually goes something like this.....

I have spent the afternoon fixing a delicious dinner of frozen lasagna, bagged salad, and garlic bread from the bakery.

I are completely exhausted and in need of a hot bath and a pan of brownies with a jug of milk.

I call the family to the table.  Finally... they gather around and my sweet hubby says a prayer of thankfulness for the food and asks that blessings for Great-Aunt Ida who had pneumonia two months ago (and.... is FULLY recovered!)  and his college room mate's grandfather who lost his 17 year old poodle. (He's never met the grandfather or the poodle and hasn't seen the room mate in 5 years!)

Meanwhile, I begin to seethe because my lasagna is getting cold!!!!  

Finally..... he says "Amen"!

The boys begin to pass the food, scooping heaping helpings of their favorite dinner and...... Dropping globs of greasy, cheesy tomato sauce..... on my NEW placemats!

Hubby has the nerve to ask if me we have any FRESH Parmesan cheese!  He will get it, just tell him where it is.... Oh and where is the cheese grater?

Suddenly I feel her bubbling up..... the green, hateful, hormonal hag!

You must be kidding?! How long have you lived in this house?!  Must I do everything?!  Why can't you just be satisfied with the stuff in the green jar?! It's already on the table! Whatever I do, it's never enough!!!!  Never mind!  I'll get it!  Just go sit down and eat your dinner!!

I march into the kitchen and start slamming cabinet doors searching for the grater.

In the back ground I hear one of the boys whisper "Mom's having one of her days. Everybody just shut up and smile!" Smart butt kid!!

I glance at the calendar on the frig and ... sure enough!!

I run to the bathroom, sobbing!

Does this sound familiar?  I know it has happened at my house and I suspect it has happened in homes of Christian mothers and wives everywhere.  I hate what the hormonal monster does to me.  I am usually an even-tempered, rational woman.  I don't like feeling mad, or weepy, or out-of control.  How does a Christian wife and mother deal with the hormonal monster?  We can't really make the hormones go away so.... what to do????

Well, while I believe that the hormones and their effect are real I don't believe that they are an excuse to sin.  The feelings are not sinful but the behavior can most definitely be sinful.  A few less drops of estrogen coursing through my veins doesn't give me a pass on self-control.

My momma often said that right attitudes often follow right actions.  In other words, sometimes you just do the right thing because its the right thing and often the right feelings will follow.

 Eph. 4:26 says

New International Version (©1984) "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, or.... I really like the New Living Translation for this situation. New Living Translation (©2007) And "don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry,

 So what do I do????

Pray for menopause!!!  :-D   No, really, pray.  Maybe not for menopause but for Jesus to help me control my actions.

Give myself a timeout.  Go take that bath.  Go for a walk.  Go sit on the porch for a few minutes.

That can't be all though, not if I've had a mini meltdown.  If I acted hateful I must make amends.  So I humbly go tell Hubby and the guys that I'm sorry and ask their forgiveness.  Asking for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but rather strength.  After all, they witnessed my behavior!  No need to act like it didn't happen!  It would show my weakness for pride if I couldn't apologize.  (I admit that sometimes I am prideful but that's another post.)

And ask that the Lord help me practice self-control next month!


For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo




 

Emptying the Nest

Yesterday, hubby and I dropped DS#4 off at college.  He is a sophomore but he transferred to a different university this year so it was a bit like dropping him off as a freshman.  He didn't know anyone.  Nobody knew him.  He didn't know his way around campus. But he didn't want us to stay for the football parent meeting.  And that's okay.  I am so proud of this young man.  He handled this transfer pretty much on his own.  He arranged it all and that's really no small feat anymore.  It's kind of a pain in the butt!  And his transfer was even more of a pain because it involved getting a release for athletics so that he could receive a athletic scholarship and play football at the new school.  That gives me some assurance that he really is capable of doing a lot to take care of himself!  But this makes me sad!  :(  He no longer needs me!  At least not like he used to.  But as I write this I know that this is okay.  It's what is supposed to happen.  It means I've done my job.  But... still sad.  :(

Now to get the last chick out of the nest.  DS#5 is such a sweet young man.  He is caring and loving and has a big heart for the disenfranchised.  I think this probably relates to him being a bit disenfranchised himself.  I should explain that DS#5 is adopted.  We got him when he was 14. I should tell you his story because it is a TOTAL God Thing!

His b-mother, that's what we call his birth mother, basically dropped him at a Department of Children and Family Services office and told the workers that she didn't have any place for him to live.  He was 11 and was just starting the fifth grade.  He was in foster care for 3 years.  His foster father was good to him but he never really bonded with the foster mother.  I feel like this is at partially due to the fact the he didn't, and still doesn't, really trust women.  Who could blame him after what b-mom did?!  His foster family introduced DS#5 to Jesus. (Because of regulations in the foster care system he couldn't be baptized.  Shortly after we got him hubby baptized him into obedience to Jesus.)  He stayed with this foster family for nearly three years.

Enter DS#2.  He was working at a church camp.  One evening DS#5 asked if DS#2 had time to talk and proceeded to tell him that his b-mom had voluntarily given him up for adoption.  He explained that the caseworker had told him that 14 year old boys rarely get adopted.  He was worried at what would become of him.  He wanted a family and he wanted a family that practiced faith in Jesus.  He was scared that he would grow up without a family at all.  It breaks my heart to think of how sad and lost he must have felt.  After their conversation DS#2 told him that he would pray about his situation but really didn't know what else to do.  He was only 21, himself.

The next morning he called me and told me the story and asked me to pray.  I began praying right away but I just kept hearing (not literally, of course) the Lord say "Hands and feet, Laurie Jo, hands and feet."  I knew what the Lord wanted but I also didn't want to make this decision based on emotion and I couldn't make such a decision with hubby.  I told the Lord that if we were to be this boy's parents He would have to make it abundantly clear to us.  He would have to open doors so wide that we could do nothing but fall through them.  The first open door was flung open when I called my husband just a few minutes later.  He had left earlier that day for a work detail that I expected would keep him from answering my call.  I had planned to just leave him a message.  He answered before I even heard the phone ring on my end.  I started to tell him the story of this boy and before I was even halfway through he interrupted and asked "Have you called anyone to see if we can get him?"  I knew then that this would happen.  We were pregnant with a 14 year old boy!

We talked to our other sons, especially DS#4, the only one still living at home.  He was 15 at the time.  All of the boys were immediately excited about a new brother.  So I made some phone calls.  I'm sure that as I explained our story the caseworkers and secretaries in the various offices that I talked with thought I was a crazy lady.  It took a day or two to figure out what the process would be to get DS#5.  We had to first become foster parents then we could adopt DS#5 if he was agreeable as he would be at least 15 by the time that the adoption would be finalized.  I called and asked that an application be sent to us.  That application arrived in the mail within two days and as I looked over the stack of forms I faltered.  It looked daunting.  There were questions that I didn't even understand!!  I wondered how other people did this!  I set the ap aside for a few days.  But I couldn't twiddle much time away because it was already mid-June and we wanted to have the "Baby" before school started.  Finally I took an afternoon and filled out all of the papers.  It really did take a whole afternoon!  5 hours!  And I left some questions blank because I didn't know what in the world they were asking!!!  After a brief respite from form-filling-out I took the forms to our local DCFS office and asked for help and later turned them in.

While we waited for the application to be processed we had to get fingerprinted and have a background check done on all members of the household that were over 16.  That was 4 of us because DS#3 was at home on weekends from college.  We had to have a home inspection.  They wanted all kinds of things like the receipt for our dog's shots and physicals for all of us.  Then hubby and I had to go to classes.  These classes were only offered a few times a year.  A God's timing thing - the classes started the very next weekend.... And they went for the next four Saturdays... And they had room for us in the classes....  And we didn't have one thing on our calender!!  (Nothing short of amazing in itself!)

Seven weeks later on a Tuesday we got our license to be foster parents.  (We have since learned that this process often takes close to a year.  Again, a God thing!)      On Wednesday we meet DS#5 at a Wendy's restaurant.  Let's just say that it was an awkward meeting all the way around.  Who meets their parents for the first time at a fast food restaurant?!  Poor boy, I wish that it could have been a more auspicious meeting place.  On Friday Hubby went to get DS#5 for the evening.  I was already back to school or I would have gone too. We went to a football scrimmage and then had to take him back to his foster family.  The next week we got him for the whole weekend. Taking him back to the foster home was so hard! On that next Wednesday we had a meeting with the caseworker, her boss, two CASA workers, a counselor and the foster dad to determine when we could take the baby home. I was pushing for the next weekend because school had just started and I didn't want him to be too far behind.  The counsellor asked hubby and me to tell the story of how all this happened.  Hubby let me do the telling.  The counsellor told how she thought it was all good and that he seemed ready and so did we.  Then the caseworker said she thought it was all good for us to take him home the coming weekend.  The CASA workers then indicated that they too thought it would be good for DS#5 came home with us the next weekend.  THEN the caseworker's boss spoke up.  She was the ONLY person in the room who had NEVER even laid eyes on DS#5 or us before!  She had the nerve to say that all of this was moving to fast.  Thank goodness that my husband is a bold man.  He spoke up and said that he thought maybe the one person in the room who most needed to be ready should be asked how he was about the whole thing and the the two little CASA workers promptly spoke up and said that they thought DS#5 get a say.  In a very quivery voice he told the room full of people that had the power to decide so much of his fate that he was ready to go home with his family...US!  It was agreed that we would get to take the baby home on Friday....two days away!!  I was as excited as I could possibly be!!! and scared to death!!  I thought "What have I done?  We don't know this boy.  We don't know his history.  We don't know what kind of baggage he carries."  BTW, they (DCFS will say they will tell you everything but if  what they told us was all they knew, well..... then they must not be the brightest bulbs in the box.)

But the Lord is faithful.  He knew that I couldn't handle certain things and those haven't been the things that we have had to deal with.  He also knew that I needed to grow in some ways and sent this teenage boy to challenge me to do that.  I'm not done growing because of being his mom.  But my time with him is swiftly slipping away.  He wants to join the Army after he graduates in the spring.  This alone scares the bejeebers out of me.  But I worry too that we haven't had enough time to give him all the tools he needs to be strong and bold for Jesus.  I worry that he has ideas about women and other things that aren't completely founded in his faith.  Then I remember that God already set this up.  He knows what we all need and he provides!

The nest can empty when it's time.  This little hen is ready.... getting ready anyway.  I will be ready when the time comes.  Not that there won't be tears, I'm sure there will.  But I will be okay and so will he!  Thank you, Jesus, for being all-knowing and all-powerful. Thank you for the opportunity to parent this amazing young man... and his older brothers who are equally amazing.

If you are a foster or adoptive parent I would love to hear from you, leave me a comment.  If you are the parent of teenagers and grown children I would love to hear from you too!  If you are an empty-nester, please let me know how to do it gracefully.  Or if you are just reading to be reading I would love to hear from you too!


For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo



   

Prayer for My Children

A long time ago my mother gave me a little typed and copied slip of paper with a list of 31 things to pray about, one for each day of the month.  I don't remember where she got or even if she told me where she got it.  I remember that she put it on my frig in the house we lived in then and told me to pick the date of the month and pray that day for that thing for my kids.  I have said these prayers for my children ever since that day.  That was over 15 years ago.  I wouldn't want you to think I hadn't missed a day because I certainly have.  I have missed whole weeks and maybe even whole months when I didn't say these prayers for my boys but I have uttered one of these prayers most days of the years that this little slip of paper has been hanging on my frig.  They are simple little prayers, just a sentence long.  Each one is supported by scriptures.  It has amazed me through the years how often the prayer of the day has been just the right prayer for that day.  Lots of times I would pray these prayers will fixing supper.  Many times I would find out that the prayer was needed that day because of something one of the boys would share at supper that very evening.  This happened so many times it couldn't have been a "coincidence"!  I thought that today I would share this list of prayers with you all.  If you have kids you can't do better than to pray for them.


1.   Pray that they will grow as Jesus did.  (Luke 2:52)
2.   Pray that they will truly love the Lord.  (Mark 12:30, I Peter 1:8)
3.   Pray that they will accept Christ early in life.  (2 Tim. 3:15)
4.   Pray that they will offer themselves as living sacrifices. (Romans 12:1)
5.   Pray that they will be disciplined and pure. (1 Cor. 9:27, Phil. 4:8)
6.   Pray that they will be lead by the Holy Spirit. (Eph. 5:18, Gal. 5:22-23)
7.   Pray that their lives will bring glory to God.  (Matt. 5:16, 1 Cor. 6:20)
8.   Pray that they will deny themselves for the Lord.  (Mark 8:34, Phil. 1:21)
9.   Pray that they will love and obey God's Word.  (Psalms 199:97, 2 Tim 3:16)
10. Pray that they will devote themselves to prayer.  (Col. 4:2)
11. Pray that they will live lives of worship and praise.  (Phil. 4:4, Psalms 37:4)
12. Pray that they will love and be faithful to Christ's Church.  (Eph. 3:10)
13. Pray that they will be set apart for the Lord's service.  (2 Tim 2:21)
14. Pray that they will have a hatred for sin.  (Psalms 97:10, Romans 12:9)
15. Pray that they will not love the world.  (1 John 2:15, Romans 12:2, Titus 2:11)
16. Pray that they will choose friends properly.  (Psalms 119:63, Prov. 13:20)
17. Pray that they will turn to God in repentance.  (1 John 1:9, Psalms51:17)
18. Pray that they will be willing to change.  (1 John 1:9, Psalms 51:17)
19. Pray that they will resist the devil and submit to God.  (James 4:7)
20. Pray that they will seek God's will.  (Psalms 37:4, Proverbs 3:5, Romans 12:1)
21. Pray that they will marry the right person.  (2 Cor. 6:14)
22. Pray that they will remain pure before marriage.  (1 Cor. 6:18)
23. Pray that they will not become materialistic.  (Matt. 6:19, 1 Tim. 6:6)
24. Pray that they will value diligence and hard work.  (Eccl. 9:10. 1 Thes. 4:11)
25. Pray that they will know that they are loved.  (Matt. 19:14, Romans 5:8, Psalms 127:3)
26. Pray that they will be truly humble.  (Romans 12:3, James 4:10, Mark 10:44)
27. Pray that they will respect those in authority.  (Eph. 6:1, Romans 13:1)
28. Pray that they will love others and do good to them.  (Mark 12:31, Eph. 5:2)
29. Pray that they will be Godly examples to others.  (Prov. 20:11, Romans 12:17)
30. Pray that they will lead other to Christ.  (James 5:20, Matt. 28:19)
31. Pray that they will remain faithful throughout life.  (Gal. 6:9, Rev. 2:10)

As you can see it is a pretty inclusive list, everything from repentance and acceptance of Jesus to marrying the right person and leading others to Christ.

I told you that I would post somethings that I felt like hubby and I had done right in the parenting realm and I think praying these prayers for my boys was one of them.  I hope you find them as helpful as I have.

May the Lord bless you as you parent your babies.

For the Lover of your soul and mine,

Laurie Jo

Loving Up on my Teenage Son!

I have discovered a way to let DS#5 know how much I think about him and love him.  He really enjoys cute little surprises!  He likes little notes taped to his steering wheel and little treats left for him in his locker or on his pillow.  So  I have searched the internet, especially Pintrest (I LOVE pintrest!!) for creative little treats and other little ways to surprise him and love up on him.  Tomorrow he starts his senior year of high school!  And tomorrow he has a football controlled scrimmage.  He is the starting center (Ladies, that's the guy that hikes the football back to the quarterback.) and he's really good at it.  And on defense he is the nose guard (that's the guy across from the center on defense).  He's pretty darn good at this position too. He's just kind of a big deal in football.  And he's just a big guy, 6'2" and 240 lbs!  (And I swear at least one of those tree trunk legs of his is hollow!) But for all his bigness the little boy on the inside still gets tickled at a treat from his momma.  Tomorrow I will leave him a Reese's BIG cup in his car with a cute little note saying "You're kind of a big deal!"  Cleaver, huh?! :) Not original to me but I can't remember where I saw it so I'm sorry if I'm not crediting someone out there with the original idea.  Anyway, I will put this in his car tonight and know that he will find it in the morning.  It will make him smile and remind him that I think he's a really special, special young man.

If you want to find some of these ideas a really good place to look is www.thedatingdivas.com.  I've mentioned this site before but it bears mentioning again.  There are scads of cutesy-tootsey little ideas.  Many have free printables too.  Check them out!  These chickas are soooo creative!  While most of their ideas are meant for your hubby there are plenty of them that are easily adapted and used for your kiddos.  One that I found there was the framed "I love you because..."  You put that saying under the glass and then change out the reasons that you love them every so often by writing on the glass with a dry erase marker or a sharpie.  Both can be easily removed with a few drops of alcohol.  I made one of these for DS#5.  I'm not as good at keeping it updated as I should be but I think he appreciates it.  He's kind of quiet so it's hard to tell sometimes!  I plan to to this for hubby and DS#4 too but neither of them needed reassurance from me as much as DS#5 so he got the first one.

I would love to include a pic of these ideas but I'm kind of techno-illiterate.  I need help!  Maybe I'll get it figured out and can add them later.  Sorry!

When you are feeling like a gulf is developing between you and your teen leaving a little note or sweet surprise might be a good way to remind them of your love.

And if you have any ideas for ways to build a child's self-esteem or bridge the gulf that sometimes develops between parents and kids, please leave me a comment!  I would love to hear from you!

For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo

You look GOOOODDDD!!!! :-)

Well, ladies (and gents, if there are any of you reading) the first day of school for the teacher is over.  I'm exhausted and it was a Taco Bell night.  We had an open house at school so it was 7:00 before I got home!  And then hubby and darling sons #3 and #4 were golfing.  DS#4 was at football practice and I wasn't going to cook!!!

But that's not what this post is about....  It's about compliments.  I got two compliments today, both on my appearance.  Now maybe for some of you that is shallow but I still enjoyed each of them.  I am a girlie girl.  I like feeling feminine.  I like dressing up and if you know me you know that I LOVE shoes.  (They always fit or at least nobody really cares about the size as long as they're cute!)  My first compliment was from my principal.  He told me that I looked nice this evening and that he liked my outfit.  (Bless his heart; he is the daddy to three daughters!)  That was really nice of him to say and I thanked him.  The second compliment came from the hubby.  He didn't really say anything; he just gave me that look.  You know the one that says "Baby, you look good!"  That compliment made me feel really, really good.  There is no one on the planet that I would rather look good to and for than the love of my life!

So why am I telling you this?  Well, I guess because both compliments made me feel so good.  And that got me to thinking about a couple of things.....

First, how often do I make someone feel like I did today?  I'm pretty sure that hubby would tell you that I compliment him pretty often.  He often looks so good and I tell him.  This morning he was headed to a meeting dressed in business attire and he looked Goooodddd!!!  But how often do I complment him in general?  This man that I am married to is amazing!  He's really good at what he does.  He works hard.  He's a great dad.  Do I let him know how amazing I think he is?  I think so but I am purposing today to be more deliberate about it.  It's good to make the man in your life feel special, to let him know that you noticed that he was great with your son during a meltdown over a broken heart or that you are really proud of his accomplishments at work.  I want hubby to feel better about himself when he is around me than when he is around anyone else.  Now don't get me wrong.  There is a definite responsibility of a wife to be honest with her husband about problems or things that he needs to change but the more common communication should make him feel good about himself and about being married to you.

Hubby isn't the only one that I want to make feel like a million bucks.  I have five sons, three daugther-in-laws, lots of neices and nephews, my parents, and a bunch of students everyday starting on Friday.  I want all of them to feel good about themselves when I'm with them.  I want them all to know how special I think they are.  (As a teacher, I know that many students want to do their best work for a teacher that has shown them how much they care about them.  Just a little bonus!)

Secondly,  I do kind of need compliments.  I think it's one of my love languages.  But sometimes hubby  doesn't remember this.  In fact, even though he is wonderful is countless ways, he really isn't very good at complimenting me...  especially about my appearance.  (Like I said even the compliment tonight was a look, not real words!)  The funny thing about this is that he is great at telling my girlfriends that they are wearing a cute shirt or dress or whatever.  This is not in a creepy way at all.  He tells them this in front of me... but not in a way that is meant to make me feel bad or that he is comparing me to them at all.  He just likes to make people feel good.  My girlfriends and I all giggle about it because they know this is what he does.  :)  So how do I deal with this?  Well, honestly, I used to get hurt feelings.  I used to get really down on myself because he didn't tell me that he thought I was pretty or whatever.  I used to get mad at him!  I have learned something though.  He doesn't realize that I need this from him!  If I could tell him, it would make him sad that I need this from him and that he hadn't been doing it for me.   But I can't really tell him this because he's kind of stubborn like that!  (He's is supremely wonderful, ladies, but he ain't perfect!)  So when I need him to notice something, like a cute dress I'm wearing, I ask him.  "Honey, how do I look?"  In fact, last week I asked him to help me pick an outfit for a gathering where we would be around a lot of his friends.  I told him I wanted him to be proud of me.  He told me how he appreciated my efforts and told me I looked very pretty in the outfit I had chosen.  Not the spontaneously romantic compliment that would thrill my heart but still pretty good.  The point, of course, is to let your hubby know what you need from him.  In general, men are terrible mind-readers!  To be fair though, we're not that good at it either, girls!  So let's give 'em a fighting chance and give them a hint at what would make us happy.  Communication, communication, communication!!  I think we don't do this because we think it kills the romance - hogwash!! What really kills the romance is us pouting because our guy can't figure out what we want from him!  Speak up, ladies!

For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo

Headed back to school... for all of us!

Well, this is it.  Today is my last day of summer.  :(  I really love summer.  Not for the reasons that you might expect though.  Not because I can sleep late and stay up late and hang out with my peeps whenever I want and float around in the pool for hours at a time.  Well, sure, those things play a part. But it's more than that.  I love summer because I can take care of my home and family in the ways that  I would like to all year long.  I would thoroughly enjoy being a full-time homemaker.  Well, as I type that I think I am a full-time homemaker, I just also have a job outside my home as well.  I have asked God many times to allow me to be a full-time homemaker and at this point He has not granted me that request.  I trust that he will do that when it is his time, even if that's when I retire!

As I head back to school so do my boys.  Baby boy #4 is a sophomore at a university about 3 hours away.  He will be living with a relative and we will be moving him on Saturday.  This, of course, isn't the first time we've moved a son to college.  In fact, it isn't even the first time we've moved this son to college!  We've done this a few times now but that doesn't make it any easier.  In fact, I think it may make it harder because now each time we move one out, even if it's just for the school year, I have, in the back of my mind,  this thought, "This is it.  He will never live at home again.  I'm finished with the time that he is under my wing and under my influence daily."  And I say a prayer that he will remember the good and right things that we have tried to teach him and forget the many mistakes that we made in parenting.  Lord, protect and guide him.  Put people in his path that are an influence for you.  Guide his path in your righteous ways. Give him a purpose that is designed for him by you and then fit him with the tools to accomplish that purpose.  Give him a heart for loving and serving you first and loving and serving others second and make the desire of his heart to please you.

Baby Boy #5 is a senior this year.  That brings another whole set of emotions.   I am excited for him.  So many fun things to do.  And I am sad that it's almost over.  (I haven't had him long enough, Lord!  Help me make the most of every opportunity you give me to teach him your ways!)  But he's is going to be ready to fly the coupe (I hope) just like his brothers have been.  And that's a good thing!  That means their father and I have done our job!  As hubby and I get him ready to fly the coupe I have some prayers for him and us.  Lord, help us (especially me, because he and I have our sturggles) give him the things he needs from us, not just material things but the emotional, spiritual things as well.  Lord, guide his path.  Give him courage and boldness to make the choices that you would have him make.  Lord, help him with his responsibilities.  Give him the perserverance to accomplish all that needs to be accomplished this year.  Make your purposes for him clear to him.  Fit him with the tools that he will need to accomplish these purposes.  Help him to see clearly the truly important things and to not allow the expedient to confuse him.  Prepare the people that will be a part of his life a year from now.  Make some of them your people.  Give them hearts to understand what him.  Make his heart's desire to serve you first and others second. Make his heart's desire to please you.  

With true bittersweetness, I am enjoying lots of lasts and a few firsts with both of these guys.  They have been so much fun!  (as have all of my boys!)  As our active, hands-on parenting years draw to a close I am (mostly) at peace with it.  I say that I am.  I say it out loud to others... because if I say it out loud I think it will be more true!  I will convince myself that it is true.  I still pray daily for my all of my guys, I'm sure I always will.  I still long for, plan for, and completely enjoy the times when any of them are able to come home or we are able to visit them.  But some days, like today, I'm a bit nostagic for the days of babbling baby sounds, toddler fits, curious 4 year-old questions, and grubby, sticky little boy bodies. I even miss those moody, then suddenly loving, teenagers.  Each stage of childhood and parenting has such sweet stuff in it!  If you are in the midst of these days, take a moment to really enjoy them,  Touch them, smell them, watch them.  Love them!  And most importantly, teach them to love Jesus.  If you get that part right, the rest is just gravy!

With that in mind, I will try to post a few things that hubby and I have found helpful in our parenting.  Please understand that I do NOT in anyway hold us up as experts!  We have made MANY mistakes, some of which have been very costly.  But we have nearly raised 5 sons and we do have lots of experience because of that.  We've found a few things that have worked well for us along the way.  With that said (not that I won't repeat it) I will post a few of those things that we have learned in the coming days.  Remember though... I'm headed back to the work-a-day world and moving a boy to college so the posts may be a while in coming.  :)

If you have comments, ideas, recommendations, resources for dealing with raising teens, letting go of parenting, empty-nesting, etc. I would love to read them.  Leave me a comment!  

For the Lover of my soul,

Laurie Jo

    

One Secret to Wedded Bliss....Running away from home! Together!

The hubby and I ran away from home last week!  Just for one night and we didn't run very far but we did run.  In fact, we went a mere 11 miles and stayed less than 24 hours but those hours were oh so good!

Some of you might be asking why do this for just that long and only go that far away.  Well, it's not really about travelling and seeing anything new (obviously); although we did enjoy seeing our destination as tourists even though it's in our home county.  And it's not really about time, again obviously. It was about being together, alone, and just being us, not mom and dad, or teacher and police officer, just a man and a woman in love for a lifetime.  

How do we do this?  Well, we did get lucky and got our room at the resort for free from a friend but we have done this even when it cost us a bit of cash.  But if cash is an issue, here are a few options and ideas.

1. Look for coupons online.  Check sites that post special deals like ideeli and livingsocial.  You sign up for emails and they have  some great deals.  Be sure to read the fine print on the deals but lots of people have great success with these sites.  You can even find deals for dinner out and fun attractions and events, movies, amusement park tix, etc. to go with your night at the hotel.

But if even with the coupons it's still not in the budget.... (We've been there!)

2. Find a babysitter.  Use grandparents and aunts and uncles!  Or farm the kids out to sleep-overs with buddies and plan an evening at home for just the two of you.  Our chicks that are still at home are old enough (18 and 19) to stay by themselves and they did.  Oh, the joys of having older kids!  You could fix a special dinner for hubby or order out with the money you save by staying at home or you could go out for dinner and return home later.  Whatever you choose to do make sure it's just the two of you.

3. Trade babysitting with another couple.  This works especially well if the other couples' children are close in age to your own but they don't have to be.  Sometimes it's good for kids to be around older kids.  They think it's cool.  And, of course, for older children they can be a great help with little ones so you might just be doing the other couple a bit of a favor by having your 10-15 year old stay with them if they have babies to younger school age kids.  

What to do on your date?  Well, we did the standard dinner out and a movie because hubby really wanted to see a new flick that just came out a bit ago.  We did change it up a bit when we went back to the resort, we checked in on a little club that had live entertainment.  There was a torch singer that was was really good.  I had seen her before and knew what we would be hearing so I knew he would enjoy her performance.  But again you can be as cheap or as elaborate or creative as you want.

You could....
1.  rent a movie at the little red vending machine
2.  order one on cable if you have that capability
3.  go fishing
4.  go hiking
5.  go golfing
6.  go bowling
7.  go to a museum
8.  go for a bike ride
9.  go to a festival
10.go to a game, baseball, basketball, football, whatever
11.play miniature golf
12. lazer tag
13.go paint-balling
..... the possibilities are really endless!

Active dates are probably better because there's more time for conversation.  If you want to be really creative or at least fool your hubby into thinking that you're really creative, go to www.thedatingdivas.com.  These gals have tons of really creative, cute, fun, and cheap date night ideas.  I am truly amazed by these women.  But I will admit that sometimes I look at their ideas and know that my husband would roll on the floor laughing at some of them but while the tears were rolling down his face from the hilarity I know he would appreciate the thought and effort that had gone into the planning and preparation of some of these fun dates.  Check them out.  They really are divas!

The main thing is ... don't take the kids!  No kids allowed! at all! not for dinner or the movie or the activity or staying the night with you!!!  They will live.  In fact, they will be assured that their parents still love each other and that is a precious and important assurance for kids these days.

Leave a comment for me if you have a great idea for a date night or fun get-away idea for just the two of you.  Or you can just leave a comment for any reason.  I would love to hear from you!

Wishing you wedded bliss!

For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo      

Loss and Love

This has been a difficult week to put it mildly.  Last Saturday my hubby lost a very dear friend.  Truthfully he was dear to both of us.  He was hubby's roommate in the police academy.  He was his partner in undercover narcotics investigations for many years and for a short time he was his sergeant.  He was larger than life, physically and personality-wise.  He was a loving, gentle giant of a man.  He saw the worst that life had to offer but always wanted to believe the best of people even when they had wronged him.  And they did wrong him.  You see, this gentle giant was a black man.  And he worked in his community fighting crime and injustice.  But even though he was often mistreated and mistrusted by his community and sometimes even his colleagues, he believed and practiced forgiveness everyday.


The loss of this man in my hubby's life will be great.  They were a great support system to each other.  He pushed hubby into his sergeants position because he knew hubby would be good supervisor.  (And he definitely is!)  Hubby challenged him in his faith. (I just recently learned that they Christmas shopped together every year!  Sneaky boogers!)  We loved him and we love his family, his lovely wife, his two sweet sons, and his adorable daughter.

So my heart is heavy this week with the loss of this man.  And my heart aches for his family and for hubby.  I know what hubby is feeling having lost my dear, sweet Rita not two years ago.  I admit I am a bit clueless as to how to help hubby deal with this loss.  I am trying to be available to him just for talking and listening and hand-holding but that is nothing new.  We "ran away from home" one night to stay at a resort not far from our home.  I think that was a good distraction for him.  More on this little trip later.  But I don't really know that anything helps other than time and the sweet knowledge that it is just a temporary separation because we will see him again.  Thank you, Lord , for the Hope of heaven.

If you don't have that Hope, please find a Christian friend, email or comment to me and let someone introduce you to Jesus.  He loves you, no matter your circumstances, your past, your lifestyle, He loves you!  And that love covers a multitude of sins, all you have to do is accept Him and learn to walk with Him.  And He is the best teacher EVER!  

Thankful for heaven and In love with Jesus, the lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo        

Clothesline Love!!!

I officially love my clothesline!  I got my electric bill recently and even though we were gone for 2 weeks to the fireworks tent and the boys were left to do their own laundry my bill was decreased by about a hundred dollars from last year in a similar month.  I'm sure the boys didn't use the clothesline to dry their laundry but I'm also sure they only did the bare minimum of laundry so the dryer probably didn't run very much.  Crazy boys, not wanting to hang their undies out for all to see!  :-) Anyway that $100 is a pretty significant difference in my book.  And while I'm saving the green I'm being environmentally responsible and reducing my family's carbon footprint.  But beyond the money-saving, going green thing I really just <3 a clothesline.  I love being outside in the morning hanging up clothes.  I love the way clothes smell when they are dried outside.  I love watching the clothes flap around in the breeze.

I grew up hanging clothes out to dry.  In fact, I grew up washing clothes in a wringer washer!  We had a well that ran dry on occasion so the wringer washer saved water.  Now I haven't had a clothesline for several years until earlier this summer.  I finally convinced hubby that I really would use one.  (I have been hanging a lot of clothes out on a rack for a couple of summers!)  He bought a few treated 4x4s and some line and eye screws and whalla! I have a clothesline.  He's a really good guy!  :)  (Now I'm trying to convince him to build me a couple of Square Foot Gardens!  This has involved a lot of batting of eyelashes and sweetness on my part! Such a chore to flirt and be sweet to that man!)

I have a pretty good system for the laundry but it has taken me a long time to get there.  Some might say that it took several chicks leaving the nest!  I freely admit that there are times when I have a mountain, and I truly mean "mountain", of laundry to do and fold.  That happens when we get really busy (remember my sons all played every sport available and that means a lot of practice and workout clothes!) but for the most part I can stay up with it.  The addition of the clothesline has adjusted how I do some things.  For instance, I would often put a load of laundry in at night and dry it in the morning, then fold and put away.  Sometimes I would forget or get busy and the laundry would sour.  YUCK!  (My sis-in-law says her husband can smell if she leaves his laundry in the washer for even an hour.  Thank goodness nobody has that good a nose in this family!)  But, of course, soured laundry always  necessitates a rewash and that costs time and money in extra water, energy to heat the water, and detergent.

While I have only had my lovely chothesline for a couple of monthes I have learned a few things through trial and error and through internet research.  Here are my tips to keeping the laundry caught up and ending up with clean, fresh smelling, soft, not stiff, line-dried clothes:

1.  Do a load a day just to keep the laundry monster at bay!

I wash in the morning and hang it out pretty quickly.  (This may have to change when school starts though.)  I leave it out on the line for most of the day generally, sometimes bringing it in just before supper time.  I have experimented with what to do when school starts but I think I will just have to work that out come August 10! If you have any ideas or experience in handling working full time and using a clothesline, leave me a comment with ideas or suggestions, please!

2.  Fluff on an air only cycle in your dryer for just a couple of minutes.

Folks complain that clothes dried on a line are stiff and rough but I found that if they are fluffed in the dryer for just a bit, literally a couple of minutes, they aren't nearly as rough and aren't really stiff at all.  I do this on the air only cycle.  If I'm doing two loads back to back I only fluff long enough to load the next load in the washer and get it started.  I give them a good 'snap' as a I take them out of the dryer to de-wrinkle a bit more.  I tried fluffing before hanging them out and after.  Before is definitely better!

3. Sort and stack as you remove the clothes from the dryer, t-shirts in one pile, shorts in another, undies in a third, etc.

As I take them out of the dryer I sort and stack them.  I stack as I plan to hang them, t-shirts with the hems together, undies with the waists all together, etc.  I also put each person's laundry together.  This saves time later when I am folding and sorting and putting away.

4.  Hang like things together.

They are already sorted so this is easy.  It also saves clothespins.  You can clip the corner of two towels together on the line and use only one clothespin.  It also saves time and bending.  If you have all of your washclothes stack together in your basket you can pick them all up at one time and hold one corner with one hand and pin them with the other hand saving yourself from bending over multiple times to pick up the next item.  This works with undies, t-shirts, towels, and washclothes and some other things.

5.  Hang things so that the heaviest part of the garment is down.

This helps pull out wrinkles as they dry.  For example, hang pants with the leg seams together and from the bottom of the legs.  For pants like jeans that take a long time to dry due to the bulk of fabric hang one pant leg from one line and one from the line next to the first.  (It looks hilarious but it works great!)

6. Use a clothespin apron.

Don't leave your pins on the line.  They get dirty and don't last as long.  You can buy or make an apron pretty easily  and inexpensively and it is so worth it to have one!

7.  Fold things as you take them off the line.

This saves you a ton of time.  And your clothes are already sorted so it's easy.  I do this if it's pretty outside.  If it's hotter than Hades.... I bring 'em in to fold!

Hope this helps any of you that are interested in saving some green and going green!  Leave me a comment or copy a link to facebook for me.  Thanks for reading.

Serving the Lover of my Soul,
Laurie Jo

Loss, Grief, and Comfort

Today, I'm struggling!  Specifically, I'm struggling with feelings of abandonment and loss.  Let me fill you in a bit.  I lost my best friend, Rita, just over 21 months ago.  She was my other soul-mate.  We shared so much life together.  Our husbands enjoy each other's company and are very close.  We have children that are very close in age.  We each had 5 sons.  We each adopted our youngest sons and we each "informally" adopted another son.  (No matter how we got them we love all of our boys.)  Our sons are each other's best friends.  My sons have grieved openly with hers.  We have all shared so many tears over these last two years.  So there is that gaping hole of loss in my my life.  Even though I know she is with the Lover of her soul and mine and I will see her again, I still miss her today and everyday.  I just love her so much and I can never use the past tense with her becuse I know she still loves me and is saving a place for me.  I can not imagine how one deals with this kind of hurt without the assurance of heaven.

That's one area of loss or abandonment.  My next one is that my nest is really close to empty.  You might be right in thinking that my tank is nearly on empty too! because I have nearly raised 5 boys!  Darling son #5 is a senior this year and will probably be joining the military and leaving home for good next summer.  I can barely write this sentence.  I haven't had him long enough.  I get anxious that I haven't done it right and I haven't been able to show him all that he really needs to know before he leaves the safety of the nest.  What if he crashes to the ground because I have missed showing him something really important or I didn't show it to him in the right way?  But most days, in my head (and in my heart) I am good with the empty nest.  Hubby and I still like each other a lot.   But today, for some reason,  my heart aches for more time with those babies and a house-full again.

What to do for my heartache?  Go shopping...well, that might work for a bit but not the long term.  Wallow in my heartache.... sometimes, but not for long, it hurts too much.  EAT!....  Ewww, I've done this one way too much!!  Call a girlfriend, I could but I can't think of anyone that's not working right now!  So.... get busy, that's what I'm doing.  I'm writing again and that is proving to be a good distraction even though I am very new to this blogging thing.  And then, I'm going to spend 15 minutes decluttering a paper pile!  (I HATE MAIL!) and then I'm on to painting the laundry room.  Pics may follow depending on how it turns out. ;-)

In the meantime the Lover of my soul gave me this:  He says He will never leave me and that he will give me comfort.

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. (John 14:18 KJV)

Thank you, Jesus!  I needed that! and You knew it before I did!  I love and serve an amazing God!  I hope you do too.

For the lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo

Exhaustion and Hilarity

My sweet husband and I have been doing something a little weird for a few years now.  We sell fireworks... from a tent.... in a Walmart parking lot..... for FOURTEEN DAYS prior to the Fourth of July..... while living out of a cargo trailer!  This is completely out of our typical mode of operation.  For one thing, neither of us have any prior experience in retail or entreprenuership.  I am a high school biology teacher and he is a police officer.  I failed miserably at my only attempt at a home party business!!  Addtionally, I am NOT a camper!  My idea of "roughing it" is a hotel room instead of a condo!  But we have done this little venture for four years.  We do it under the umbrella of a charity because it's extra money in our pockets and it's extra money for our charity.  In all seriousness it has afforded us the opportunity to be generous when otherwise we couldn't have been.

We have learned of few things about ourselves and our marriage in this venture but one lesson has been blissful.

We actually enjoy each other's company.  (Now I will admit to you that this isn't really a new lesson; it's a review of an old lesson that we learned long ago.  But as a teacher I know how valuable reviews are to making knowledge stick.) I hve often said how much I enjoy being with my husband but truly it's kind of easy to say when you are only alone between 11:30 pm and 7:00 am!  (I know... some of you young mommies out there aren't alone even during these hours... Hang in there.  This too shall pass.)  But the cool thing about saying this after two weeks camping on a Walmart parking lot is that it really is true.  I know it's true because some days we are the only two people that we see that either of us even knows!  It is truer after 29 years of wedded bliss than it was in our courtship or during those honeymoon, pre-children years.  It's truer because of those years and because of the busy, helter-skelter, running-after-kids, going-to-four-or-five-ballgames-a-week years!  (Whew! makes me tired, and happy, just to remember those years!)  That's not to say that we didn't enjoy each other then, of course, we certainly did!  ;-) but it has only gotten better because now it's true even on a HOT, dry, dirty, stinky parking lot when we can't even seem to sell a sparkler!  Even when we are utterly exhausted from working from early in the morning until after midnight we still have fun just being together!  BTW, after reading this to Hubby he said that he thought maybe I was on a different parking lot that he was!!  He makes me laugh. :-D

 We can find hilarity in the weirdest circumstances.  (Granted this might be from sleep deprivation and exhaustion but still we find it!)  We can be happy doing some truly ordinary (read: boring) things like reading to each other from our favorite books or sometimes just reading our own books and holding hands.  (If you are picturing two tottering little old people I will reach through cyberspace and smack you!)  We find things to laugh about even if those things are completely beyond the understanding of anyone besides the two of us.  We have actually spent our last four anniversaries on a parking lot and my husband manages romance (YES! romance!) anyway!

Don't forget!  No matter the stage of marriage you are in right now do this: Enjoy your husband!  Make it fun to be together no matter the circumstances.  Be silly, be goofy, be spontaneous, be deliberate.  Plan for it sometimes.  Take the initiative and plan a fun date for him.  Be careful not to discourage him when he does something just for the fun of it, especially if it includes you.  Laugh at him, or rather laugh at his jokes and funnies!  I know that sometimes you think you are too busy for his goofiness, don't be. Everyone enjoys making someone they love laugh so let him make you laugh and try to make him laugh.    

For the Lover of my souls and yours,

Laurie Jo  

Some Summer Deliciousness!!!

This is not original to me and I wish I could credit where I found it but I have No Clue!!!  So I'm sorry in advance for stealing!

This is such a delicious summer drink!!!  You must try it!  I think this is better than Steak and Shake or Sonic's version.

Diet Cherry Limeade

1 2-l of a diet lemon-lime soda (like Sprite)
1 can of frozen limeade
Juice of two limes
Juice from a jar of Marchinio cherries (1/2 to full jar depending on your taste)
Cherries and sliced limes for garnish

Mix all this together and enjoy poured over crushed ice!!  It's so very good and rather pretty too!

As you know if you have checked this blog out at all I'm really new to this blogging thing.  I will try to post a pic of this deliciousness sometime.

Everything to Me - or not?

I met my darling husband when I was in the seventh grade.  He was a big eighth grader.  We became a couple when I was fourteen.  We got engaged when I was 18 and married when I was 20.  We grew up together.  He is my best friend, my soul-mate, my lover, and the father of my 5 sons.  We have been married for nearly 29 years.  But.... he does not fulfill my every need.  He can't.  God didn't give him that ability... on purpose.  If he had the ability to fulfill my every need it wouldn't be a good thing.  I absolutely adore this man as it is.  I don't need for him to be any more adorable!  No husband, no matter how wonderful, should be placed above the Lover of Our Souls, Jesus and I would be so tempted to put him up there.  

Truthfully though, I really do adore my husband but he doesn't fulfill all my needs.  You see, God made us with a need for fellowship.  And this means fellowship with more than one person.  This is one of the reasons why he created family and His bride, the church.  He knew we needed other people.  He allows us to fulfill this need in several different ways and one really beautiful way is with friends.  Thank you, Lord, for our friends.  

Girlfriends are God's gift to us.  Seek out some good Christian girlfriends.  It will be good for you and your marriage.  There are all kinds of benefits to sharing a life with girlfriends.  Girlfriends can  commiserate with us and give us fresh perspective.  Girlfriends can be an understanding ear and a shoulder to cry on.  Girlfriends can provide social relief for your husband!  Yep, that's what I said social relief.  Your husband shouldn't have to feign interest in your latest pin on pintrest or the most recent trend in shoes and bags.  And the good news about your man not being everything to you is that you in turn don't have to be everything to him!  You don't have to do all the things that he enjoys either.  If he enjoys fishing or deer hunting or golfing you can send him off to do these things with his guy friends and know that it's a good thing that you can't be each other's everything. 

So how do you cultivate these girlfriends?  Where do you find them?  Here a few ideas.

  

1. Become a member of a church and pray for a friend or friends!  The Lord commands us to participate in corporate worship but a nice benefit of this is that we find people that are there worshipping as well.  While you are there volunteer for service somewhere in the church, the nursery, the welcome center, the cleaning crew, the choir.  Do something you enjoy doing or stretch yourself.  You may meet someone that will be a lifelong friend!

2.  Volunteer in some other area of service.  Be a room mother at your child's school.  Become a den mother for a boy or girl scout troop.  Volunteer at a nursing home or an animal shelter.  Again this is another way to meet people that share similar values as you while you are doing the Lord's work of serving others.  

3.  Be hospitable.  Open your home to others.  Invite people for Sunday dinner after church or if preparing a whole meal for a group of more than four sends shivers down your spine just invite them for dessert on Friday night.  Invite another mom and her child(ren) over to play with your children.  Don't let this be intimidating.  Being hospitable is as easy as making someone else comfortable.  You can actually do this anywhere not just in your home.  It can be done at a playground or a McDonald's or a coffee shop or your back yard.  It really can be as simple as offering a glass of lemonade to a neighbor across the fence.  Just put yourself out there.  

Now a word of warning....  You will be rejected.  But that's okay.  If you are rejected, don't despair.  A person who rejects you is either not ready to be your friend right now or maybe they never will be ready, but The Lover of Your Soul has a friend or probably many friends out there for you.  Keep looking!    

  

For the Lover of my Soul and Yours who provides us with everything we need including a great friends!

Laurie Jo

In memory of my dearest friend and my other soul mate, Rita Diane, 1961-2010. Oh, how the Lover of My Soul used you to love my soul and used me to love yours!  Missing you everyday but looking forward to seeing your face right next to Jesus when I get to heaven!  Save a place for me!   

Housekeeping (and other curses, er... blessing)

Ladies, I must admit that I used to HATE housework!  Let me explain by giving you just a bit more background about me.  I have always been a working woman.  I am a registered nurse and worked in  the nursing field for 16 years.  I went back to school 13 years ago and now I am a high school biology teacher.  In addition to being a career woman, I have raised 5 sons.  My sons were all very active in school playing two or three sports during each school year from fifth grade through high school as well as being involved in other school activities.  I still have one son at home and one in college.   (The oldest three are married to lovely young women.)  In addition to my children I have a darling husband who has worked odd hours as a police detective for our entire 29 years of marriage.  In addition to all of this we have tried very hard to be a family that is active in serving the Lord with our local church family.  With all of these commitments I have had very little time for housework!  Frankly, for many years I didn't even pretend to do much of it.  It just seemed like I was fighting a losing battle!  But there is value in keeping an orderly home.  It saves time and money in the long run to have a reasonably organized and clean home.  You spend less time looking for things and you spend less money replacing things that you've lost.  If you have children with allergies or other health issues it may keep them healthier and save you money at the doctor's office to keep your home clean.  There are benefits to your children in learning to help because they are part of a family and learning to care for their things.  Learning to sort toys is a good brain development activity for young children. And let's face it, many of us enjoy attractive surroundings and clutter and dirt just aren't very pretty!  A further benefit of keeping your home neat and clean is that you won't be embarrassed to use it in the service of the Lover of Your Soul.  You will be able to practice the hospitality that He asks of us. But even given these obvious benefits it still remains that the practice of keeping your home neat and clean is difficult at best!      

I have learned a few things in all these years of taking care of my home.

1.  Keep things in perspective.  If your children have food to eat, clean clothes to wear, and a reasonably clean environment at home then you have the essentials taken care of and the rest is just gravy.  In fact, I would encourage you to read a book to your children or play a game with them before you make sure that your floors shine and your mirrors are spot-free.  Some of you are obsessing because you can't stand the stuff tracked on the carpet or the few dishes left in the sink from the kid's afternoon snack.  I know you have heard it before but I will tell you again... your babies will not remember that you kept a spotless floor, they will remember playing games and reading stories and cuddling at naptime.  Don't let the expedient overrule the truly important!

2.  Develop a system.   Maybe it's a room a day or a room a week.  Maybe it's taking care of one task a day  like sweeping, or dusting, or laundry.  Find one that works for you and stick with it.  I have used a couple of different systems in my married life and have developed several of them into something that fits me and my family.  One that I can recommend is The Flylady.  She is organized and has a reasonable approach.  She starts with "baby steps" and helps you develop habits that will keep your housework under control.  There are other systems that I'm sure work equally well.  The important thing is to have a system and to work the system.  Do a search on the Internet and you'll be amazed at  the number of different systems you will find.

3.  Decide to take joy in making a neat, clean home for your family.  I often didn't like housework because I felt like I was being put upon and used by my family.  My attitude was often not the attitude of service towards them.  I had to learn this attitude of service but the Lover of My Soul has convicted me of this.  Jesus had to remind me many times of how He SERVED!  He loved people and He served people.  Who are the people that you love most on the planet?  Your family, of course!  Who would you rather serve than the people you love the most?  And if we can't serve those that we love most how can we ever hope to serve those that we don't love or who don't love us?!

4.  Enlist your family to help you.  This may seem a direct contradiction to the previous point but it's not really.  You see, part of loving and serving your family includes teaching your little ones to be good stewards of the things that God has entrusted in their care.  Even the very little guys can pick up their toys.  When they are a bit older they can put away their folded laundry, help set the table, take out the garbage,  and feed the dog and cat.  Children in the upper elementary grades can begin to take on more responsibility by helping with the meal preparations as well as helping with sweeping and dusting and doing the  laundry.  I will admit that as my boys grew and got busier with their school work and activities I wasn't very good at expecting them to help me as they should have.  Learn from my mistakes!  They were capable of helping with far more housework than I expected them of them and my daughter-in-laws would have thanked me for it!!!  :)

5.  Give your kids a space that is theirs.  This space is especially important for teens.  Usually it is their bedroom but it doesn't have to be.  It could be a room in the basement where they can hangout with their friends or some other area as long as it is someplace that you can close the door to.  If the space is shared with siblings you may need to mediate some measure of cooperation and mutual respect but this is often a good and necessary lesson for today's teens.   Hopefully, at this point you have taught them to put their things away and this space will not take on the appearance of a natural disaster site but if it does... close the door!  Don't let it become a source of contention between you and your teen.  As long as it doesn't stink or attract pests, let them deal with it.  My boys eventually got tired of being unable to find things and would do a big clean-up.  During the summer I usually encouraged them to take a day or two and really clean their rooms.   And by encourage, I mean that I helped (remember... service)!  I admit that there were almost always long-lost items that were found and became lessons to the boys regarding the value of being organized and neat.  :)

Love and serve your family and the Lover of Your Soul by keeping a neat and clean home.  It will amke you and your family happy and increase your opportunities for service in other ways.  


Loving and serving the Lover of My Soul and Yours!
Laurie Jo