Loss, Grief, and Comfort

Today, I'm struggling!  Specifically, I'm struggling with feelings of abandonment and loss.  Let me fill you in a bit.  I lost my best friend, Rita, just over 21 months ago.  She was my other soul-mate.  We shared so much life together.  Our husbands enjoy each other's company and are very close.  We have children that are very close in age.  We each had 5 sons.  We each adopted our youngest sons and we each "informally" adopted another son.  (No matter how we got them we love all of our boys.)  Our sons are each other's best friends.  My sons have grieved openly with hers.  We have all shared so many tears over these last two years.  So there is that gaping hole of loss in my my life.  Even though I know she is with the Lover of her soul and mine and I will see her again, I still miss her today and everyday.  I just love her so much and I can never use the past tense with her becuse I know she still loves me and is saving a place for me.  I can not imagine how one deals with this kind of hurt without the assurance of heaven.

That's one area of loss or abandonment.  My next one is that my nest is really close to empty.  You might be right in thinking that my tank is nearly on empty too! because I have nearly raised 5 boys!  Darling son #5 is a senior this year and will probably be joining the military and leaving home for good next summer.  I can barely write this sentence.  I haven't had him long enough.  I get anxious that I haven't done it right and I haven't been able to show him all that he really needs to know before he leaves the safety of the nest.  What if he crashes to the ground because I have missed showing him something really important or I didn't show it to him in the right way?  But most days, in my head (and in my heart) I am good with the empty nest.  Hubby and I still like each other a lot.   But today, for some reason,  my heart aches for more time with those babies and a house-full again.

What to do for my heartache?  Go shopping...well, that might work for a bit but not the long term.  Wallow in my heartache.... sometimes, but not for long, it hurts too much.  EAT!....  Ewww, I've done this one way too much!!  Call a girlfriend, I could but I can't think of anyone that's not working right now!  So.... get busy, that's what I'm doing.  I'm writing again and that is proving to be a good distraction even though I am very new to this blogging thing.  And then, I'm going to spend 15 minutes decluttering a paper pile!  (I HATE MAIL!) and then I'm on to painting the laundry room.  Pics may follow depending on how it turns out. ;-)

In the meantime the Lover of my soul gave me this:  He says He will never leave me and that he will give me comfort.

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. (John 14:18 KJV)

Thank you, Jesus!  I needed that! and You knew it before I did!  I love and serve an amazing God!  I hope you do too.

For the lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo