Musings on Marriage and Woohoo! :-)

Hubby and I went on a little date.  We took the evening of 'no football' to run out and see a movie.  Several friends had told me how good it was and how funny "Hope Springs" was.  I wasn't disappointed.  It was funny in parts but it had more parts that were just sad to me.  I would recommend it but it isn't a romantic comedy! (I would not recommend it for children or even teens.  There is frank discussion about sexual matters and  besides that I don't think they would enjoy it at all! or , at least, I don't think my 18 and 19 yo DSs would!)  It is about an empty-nester couple who are in a total rut in their marriage.  They work, she cooks, he eats and watches the Golf Channel.  They aren't intimate anymore and haven't been for over 4 years!  I will tell you that I am completely saddened by this. I got the feeling from nervous laughter in the theater that this situation isn't that uncommon.  In the movie it finally comes out that she often turned him away earlier in their marriage.  Of course, this isn't the only problem or really even the biggest problem.  They also have trouble communicating.... about everything but, of course, that means there is trouble communicating in intimate situations too.  He has shut her off and she has clammed up.   Just like my mammaw said "Two wrongs don't make a right." These things and some others have added up to her being dissatisfied with the marriage.  The catch is she still really loves him and he loves her too.  They just really vacuum (that's my word for  'sucks' because I hate that word!) at it!  It got me to thinking though.  What could she have done differently to avoid this problem.  Here are my muddled musings....

(BTW, I am writing about what she could have done because I think I probably have a predominantly female readership on this blog.  I am mulling over a post about what he could have done.  Maybe.. someday... because I figure there might be a few men out there reading too.)

1.  Don't turn your husband away when it comes to sexual intimacy.  Why?

Because he loves you... no matter what size you are or whether you have shaved your legs today.  It doesn't bother him that you are wearing an old t-shirt to bed.  In fact, he might like it. :)  He needs you.  Men have a need for physical intimacy and it can sometimes be a gateway to emotional intimacy.  Ladies, I know that we are often wired in exactly the opposite way.  We need emotional intimacy before we feel "romantically inclined" but it's okay to do it the other way around sometimes too.

Now don't get me wrong... sometimes... if you are sick or dead on your feet or ??? of course, it's OK to say to your sweet hubby "Honey, I just don't feel good or I'm just too tired' but as a general rule take the good advice given to me by an older woman shortly before my wedding.... "Don't say No very often."  She actually told me that if I didn't say no I would probably find myself having a good time before too long anyway and end up not regretting it.  She has been right many, many times.  ;)

2.   Be a fun, creative partner.

Men who love their wives often get a great deal of satisfaction from providing a pleasurable experience for their wife.  We should do the same.  We should be willing to allow our hubby to please us and willing to do things that please him.  Again, a caveat... I don't mean that you should do things that are physically uncomfortable but don't refuse do something because you have some notion from somewhere in your past that it's nasty or disgusting or ????  Ladies, God created sexual intimacy.  He wants us to enjoy it!  Have a little fun with it!  Be adventurous!  (Of course, this is within the confines of things that you and hubby both agree to and within the boundaries of your marriage but after that anything else is fair game.)  That same wise older woman give me this good advice as well.  "Now that you're married... anything goes!"  :)

3.  Talk!!!!

For some of us this comes naturally; for others it's more difficult.  Some of us are married to guys that don't have the gift of words.  You still need to communicate with that man of yours.  If something is wrong in your marriage it won't get fixed by ignoring it.  If you need to talk, you must talk.  Talk first to the Lover of your soul.  Pour your heart out to Jesus first and ask for guidance.  Ask Him to work on you first, to fix you first!  Then if you still have a problem ask Him to give you opportunities and words to talk to your sweet husband.  Then wait!  Wait for the right time and the right words.  Sometimes it helps to write things down.  Or, at least, it helps me!  Sometimes when I write things down they sound so completely stupid or silly that I decide I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.  Other times I use my writing as a way to organize my thoughts.

Whatever you do I sincerely hope that no one reading this is as sad as the couple in this movie!  If  you are reading this and you and your hubby are struggling in this area you can know this...  right now, this evening, I have said a prayer for you that things will improve like they did for the couple in the movie!  (Sorry for the spoiler but you would have guessed it anyway!)


For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo