Being Chased Down and Grabbed Ahold of... by God!

Note:  If you missed my earlier blog entry about DS#5 and our adoption story you might want to go back and read that one first.

I have heard about people being chased by God but I have never really felt chased down.  This story I am about to share with you is a true chase down.... by God..... of DS#5.

To set the scene.... It's a gorgeous Friday night in August.  The marching band plays the National Anthem.  The cheerleaders sing the school song.  The team is gathered waiting to storm the field.  Friday Night Lights, the real thing.  (I love football!)  I get the text.....

"I'm by the concession stand.  I'm 6'2"so I'm hard to miss.  Wearing a gray t-shirt, headed your way."

I was about to met DS#5's third grade teacher.  Let's call her A.  And sure enough, I didn't miss her.  She was tall and beautiful....  inside and out.

I knew she was coming to the game and was excited to meet her.  You see, I had been hearing about this woman for a while now.  She is pretty much DS#5's only positive memory of life before foster care.  In fact, he has said that she was "like a mother" to him for that year of his life.  He has said this a few times and it always makes me sad and thankful and scared.  Sad that he had to have a teacher "be like a mom" to him.  Thankful that this lovely young woman was willing to "be like a mom" to him.  And scared that some student may have needed this from me and I missed it.  :/

That year A. was a first year teacher.  I think she was 24 at the time.  She was a newly-wed with a new house.  Her husband was a youth minister and a high school teacher.   They had a couple of needy teenage boys (in a bad foster care situation) that stayed with them pretty much all the time.  One of them had special needs.  Her life was full of challenges.  But A. loves Jesus and because of her love of Jesus and her reliance on Him she was able to meet those challenges and fall in love with my sweet baby.

She tells me he was angry and that his home life was very difficult.  She tells me that even through his anger she could see a little boy underneath with a heart full of compassion and a need for love.  I know that little boy.... he moved in with us 4 years ago.... I'm not really sure where he went or when he left but I know this: we don't see him much anymore.  :)

She recalls that #5 was kind of a bully.  (Yep, I've met that guy too.)  But that he really wanted to have friends and that she thought he was mostly frustrated with trying to fit in. (Ummm, yep, again.)  She remembers that she would take him to the gym during recess and they would play basketball together instead of letting him go to the playground, just so he wouldn't get in trouble.  She tells me that  she never met birth mom but never heard anything good about her.  (Not a surprise to me!)  She tells me that she has been praying for my little guy ever since she had him in class and has often wondered what had happened to him.  (I have to tell you that as I proofread this it makes me chuckle at calling him "my little guy"!  He's 6'2" and 245lbs!)

A. recalls the day last spring when her school secretary came to her room and told her that a kid had called school and asked if she still taught there and then asked to speak to her.  He told the secretary that his name had changed but that he used to go by Joey.  A. knew immediately who was on the phone and made a few moments to talk to him.  He told her that she had "changed his life" and that if it was okay with her he would like to see her and he wanted to let her know that he "was okay"!  Through tears she thanked him for calling her and told him that she would love to see him again!

That afternoon he talked to his dad and later me on the phone. (I was in Pittsburgh that week with one of my research students at the International Science and Engineering Fair.)  He told us that he had contacted A. and that he really wanted to go see her again.  He told us again how important she had been to him that year.  He doesn't often share stuff about his past with us.  He has told us things but it isn't some  place he dwells a lot.  (I think because it was so bad and the now is so much better.)  But when he does tell us about his "before us" life we definitely perk up and listen.  Of course, his daddy and I told him he could go meet her.  And I breathed a little prayer that she would understand how important she was to him.  Now I understand that no prayers are wasted.... you can't waste a convo with your Heavenly Father.... but this one had been answered LONG before it ever flitted through my little brain!!  

One afternoon not long after that phone call #5 took to the road and headed to the school where A. still teaches.  She told me how as she looked at #5 she began to cry because she could see that he wasn't that angry little boy.  Through teary eyes she tells me about how she could see that he was now a  happy, healthy, strong young man.  She could tell while talking to him that he loves Jesus and that he really.  is.  okay.

While she tells me these things and other things about #5's past I cry.... several times!  (And while she is telling me these things #5 is on the field, snapping the ball, blocking, making stops, knocking the opponents down and then picking them up and patting them on the top of their helmets! playing a really nice game!  I see most of it through my tears!)

A. took a special interest in my baby boy.  She did a little more.  She cared.  She was hands and feet for a year for #5.  But it didn't stop there.  She continued to pray.  Prayer is soooo powerful.

It was just a little more than a year later, as #5 was about to start fifth grade, that A. heard that his B-mom had dropped him off at a DCFS office.  She was heart-broken for him.  As she told me about hearing this she teared up and says that she was really worried about him.  What does a Christian woman do when the worry rears it's ugly, joy-stealing, time-consuming head.....  she prays and that's exactly what A. did.   She prayed... some more.

And I am so glad that she prayed.  Because God heard those prayers.  He heard them and He answered them.  I wonder how many things were changed because of her prayers.  Did #5 have the courage to ask to talk with #2 that evening at camp because she was praying for him?  Knowing him now we know that would be somewhat uncharacteristic of him.  Was she praying for him when his first foster family decided to become foster parents?  They weren't his forever family but they played a crucially important role.  We were not ready and wouldn't have been able to take him if it had happened three years earlier.  Was she praying for him the day that #2 called me and asked me to pray for him as well because his B-mom had terminated her parental rights, the day that I kept hearing the Lord tell me "hands and feet, hands and feet"?  Was she praying when we had clear Saturdays for the foster parenting classes and there was room for us in those classes?  I feel sure that she prayed a quick foster parent license approval through the system and didn't even realize what she was praying for!!  I would bet hard-earned money (if I were a betting woman) that she was praying the day of that meeting.  The one where the case-worker supervisor wanted our process to take several months and everyone else in the room convinced her to let us move him home in two days!!!  I am absolutely certain that she has been praying at times when I have had supernatural, Holy Spirit-granted, patience or understanding or self-control in dealing with this big goofball of a teenage boy!  I wonder if she was praying for him every time he remembered her and that someone really did care about him.  Could she have been praying for him when he got the idea that he should call the school to ask if she still taught there so many years later?  A. tells me that her last school year ended very badly with her having to tell her class that one of her students had a serious form of leukemia.  Her summer was worse as she visited this student at the children's hospital and then again when he lost his battle just 6 weeks later.  She was struggling at the beginning of this school year when #5 emailed her to ask if she would attend his ballgame.  That invite was just what she needed to remind her of why she teaches.  Wonder who was praying for whom that time?  :)

Now, this blog post is titled "Being Chased Down and Grabbed Ahold of... by God" and so far it has been mostly about people praying and being willing to be used by God.  But that's how God chases us sometimes.... with other people as his feet and He often uses other peoples' hands to grad ahold of us.  I wonder how many times I have had a thought of good to be done, a thought planted by God, a thought prayed into my head by someone interceding for me or someone else, that I have dismissed.  I wonder who God was trying to chase down using me as his feet.  Who have I missed grabbing ahold of for Jesus?  Has he been trying to use someone to chase me down or grab ahold of me?  Have I run away from them and Him?

Lord, I'm sorry for not doing the good I could do.  Give me the strength to do the good you set before me.  Lord, help me to see the opportunity to be hands and feet for you.  Lord, give me another chance to chase and grab ahold of those people that I have missed my opportunity with.  Lord, put new people in my path to chase down for you, to grab ahold of for you.  Lord, don't let me run away from you!  I want to be caught and held onto tightly!  And Lord, thank you for the strength already given me and the answers to prayers already given. Father God, thank you so much for A, for her willingness to be hands and feet for you.  Thank you for putting her in #5's young life to love him before I could get there.  Lord, thank you for her tenacity in loving him even though she hadn't even seen him for nearly ten years!  Thank you, Lord, for the blessing, The. Absolute. Blessing. that it has been to parent this amazing young man.  It truly is one of the five greatest blessing of my life.  Thank you, Jesus, for your scarred hands and feet and your sacrifice... for me, for A., for #5, for all of us.

I would love to hear from you.  Please leave me a comment.

For the Lover and the Chaser of my soul and yours,    

Laurie Jo

Everything to Me - or not?

I met my darling husband when I was in the seventh grade.  He was a big eighth grader.  We became a couple when I was fourteen.  We got engaged when I was 18 and married when I was 20.  We grew up together.  He is my best friend, my soul-mate, my lover, and the father of my 5 sons.  We have been married for nearly 29 years.  But.... he does not fulfill my every need.  He can't.  God didn't give him that ability... on purpose.  If he had the ability to fulfill my every need it wouldn't be a good thing.  I absolutely adore this man as it is.  I don't need for him to be any more adorable!  No husband, no matter how wonderful, should be placed above the Lover of Our Souls, Jesus and I would be so tempted to put him up there.  

Truthfully though, I really do adore my husband but he doesn't fulfill all my needs.  You see, God made us with a need for fellowship.  And this means fellowship with more than one person.  This is one of the reasons why he created family and His bride, the church.  He knew we needed other people.  He allows us to fulfill this need in several different ways and one really beautiful way is with friends.  Thank you, Lord, for our friends.  

Girlfriends are God's gift to us.  Seek out some good Christian girlfriends.  It will be good for you and your marriage.  There are all kinds of benefits to sharing a life with girlfriends.  Girlfriends can  commiserate with us and give us fresh perspective.  Girlfriends can be an understanding ear and a shoulder to cry on.  Girlfriends can provide social relief for your husband!  Yep, that's what I said social relief.  Your husband shouldn't have to feign interest in your latest pin on pintrest or the most recent trend in shoes and bags.  And the good news about your man not being everything to you is that you in turn don't have to be everything to him!  You don't have to do all the things that he enjoys either.  If he enjoys fishing or deer hunting or golfing you can send him off to do these things with his guy friends and know that it's a good thing that you can't be each other's everything. 

So how do you cultivate these girlfriends?  Where do you find them?  Here a few ideas.

  

1. Become a member of a church and pray for a friend or friends!  The Lord commands us to participate in corporate worship but a nice benefit of this is that we find people that are there worshipping as well.  While you are there volunteer for service somewhere in the church, the nursery, the welcome center, the cleaning crew, the choir.  Do something you enjoy doing or stretch yourself.  You may meet someone that will be a lifelong friend!

2.  Volunteer in some other area of service.  Be a room mother at your child's school.  Become a den mother for a boy or girl scout troop.  Volunteer at a nursing home or an animal shelter.  Again this is another way to meet people that share similar values as you while you are doing the Lord's work of serving others.  

3.  Be hospitable.  Open your home to others.  Invite people for Sunday dinner after church or if preparing a whole meal for a group of more than four sends shivers down your spine just invite them for dessert on Friday night.  Invite another mom and her child(ren) over to play with your children.  Don't let this be intimidating.  Being hospitable is as easy as making someone else comfortable.  You can actually do this anywhere not just in your home.  It can be done at a playground or a McDonald's or a coffee shop or your back yard.  It really can be as simple as offering a glass of lemonade to a neighbor across the fence.  Just put yourself out there.  

Now a word of warning....  You will be rejected.  But that's okay.  If you are rejected, don't despair.  A person who rejects you is either not ready to be your friend right now or maybe they never will be ready, but The Lover of Your Soul has a friend or probably many friends out there for you.  Keep looking!    

  

For the Lover of my Soul and Yours who provides us with everything we need including a great friends!

Laurie Jo

In memory of my dearest friend and my other soul mate, Rita Diane, 1961-2010. Oh, how the Lover of My Soul used you to love my soul and used me to love yours!  Missing you everyday but looking forward to seeing your face right next to Jesus when I get to heaven!  Save a place for me!   

Housekeeping (and other curses, er... blessing)

Ladies, I must admit that I used to HATE housework!  Let me explain by giving you just a bit more background about me.  I have always been a working woman.  I am a registered nurse and worked in  the nursing field for 16 years.  I went back to school 13 years ago and now I am a high school biology teacher.  In addition to being a career woman, I have raised 5 sons.  My sons were all very active in school playing two or three sports during each school year from fifth grade through high school as well as being involved in other school activities.  I still have one son at home and one in college.   (The oldest three are married to lovely young women.)  In addition to my children I have a darling husband who has worked odd hours as a police detective for our entire 29 years of marriage.  In addition to all of this we have tried very hard to be a family that is active in serving the Lord with our local church family.  With all of these commitments I have had very little time for housework!  Frankly, for many years I didn't even pretend to do much of it.  It just seemed like I was fighting a losing battle!  But there is value in keeping an orderly home.  It saves time and money in the long run to have a reasonably organized and clean home.  You spend less time looking for things and you spend less money replacing things that you've lost.  If you have children with allergies or other health issues it may keep them healthier and save you money at the doctor's office to keep your home clean.  There are benefits to your children in learning to help because they are part of a family and learning to care for their things.  Learning to sort toys is a good brain development activity for young children. And let's face it, many of us enjoy attractive surroundings and clutter and dirt just aren't very pretty!  A further benefit of keeping your home neat and clean is that you won't be embarrassed to use it in the service of the Lover of Your Soul.  You will be able to practice the hospitality that He asks of us. But even given these obvious benefits it still remains that the practice of keeping your home neat and clean is difficult at best!      

I have learned a few things in all these years of taking care of my home.

1.  Keep things in perspective.  If your children have food to eat, clean clothes to wear, and a reasonably clean environment at home then you have the essentials taken care of and the rest is just gravy.  In fact, I would encourage you to read a book to your children or play a game with them before you make sure that your floors shine and your mirrors are spot-free.  Some of you are obsessing because you can't stand the stuff tracked on the carpet or the few dishes left in the sink from the kid's afternoon snack.  I know you have heard it before but I will tell you again... your babies will not remember that you kept a spotless floor, they will remember playing games and reading stories and cuddling at naptime.  Don't let the expedient overrule the truly important!

2.  Develop a system.   Maybe it's a room a day or a room a week.  Maybe it's taking care of one task a day  like sweeping, or dusting, or laundry.  Find one that works for you and stick with it.  I have used a couple of different systems in my married life and have developed several of them into something that fits me and my family.  One that I can recommend is The Flylady.  She is organized and has a reasonable approach.  She starts with "baby steps" and helps you develop habits that will keep your housework under control.  There are other systems that I'm sure work equally well.  The important thing is to have a system and to work the system.  Do a search on the Internet and you'll be amazed at  the number of different systems you will find.

3.  Decide to take joy in making a neat, clean home for your family.  I often didn't like housework because I felt like I was being put upon and used by my family.  My attitude was often not the attitude of service towards them.  I had to learn this attitude of service but the Lover of My Soul has convicted me of this.  Jesus had to remind me many times of how He SERVED!  He loved people and He served people.  Who are the people that you love most on the planet?  Your family, of course!  Who would you rather serve than the people you love the most?  And if we can't serve those that we love most how can we ever hope to serve those that we don't love or who don't love us?!

4.  Enlist your family to help you.  This may seem a direct contradiction to the previous point but it's not really.  You see, part of loving and serving your family includes teaching your little ones to be good stewards of the things that God has entrusted in their care.  Even the very little guys can pick up their toys.  When they are a bit older they can put away their folded laundry, help set the table, take out the garbage,  and feed the dog and cat.  Children in the upper elementary grades can begin to take on more responsibility by helping with the meal preparations as well as helping with sweeping and dusting and doing the  laundry.  I will admit that as my boys grew and got busier with their school work and activities I wasn't very good at expecting them to help me as they should have.  Learn from my mistakes!  They were capable of helping with far more housework than I expected them of them and my daughter-in-laws would have thanked me for it!!!  :)

5.  Give your kids a space that is theirs.  This space is especially important for teens.  Usually it is their bedroom but it doesn't have to be.  It could be a room in the basement where they can hangout with their friends or some other area as long as it is someplace that you can close the door to.  If the space is shared with siblings you may need to mediate some measure of cooperation and mutual respect but this is often a good and necessary lesson for today's teens.   Hopefully, at this point you have taught them to put their things away and this space will not take on the appearance of a natural disaster site but if it does... close the door!  Don't let it become a source of contention between you and your teen.  As long as it doesn't stink or attract pests, let them deal with it.  My boys eventually got tired of being unable to find things and would do a big clean-up.  During the summer I usually encouraged them to take a day or two and really clean their rooms.   And by encourage, I mean that I helped (remember... service)!  I admit that there were almost always long-lost items that were found and became lessons to the boys regarding the value of being organized and neat.  :)

Love and serve your family and the Lover of Your Soul by keeping a neat and clean home.  It will amke you and your family happy and increase your opportunities for service in other ways.  


Loving and serving the Lover of My Soul and Yours!
Laurie Jo