Being Chased Down and Grabbed Ahold of... by God!

Note:  If you missed my earlier blog entry about DS#5 and our adoption story you might want to go back and read that one first.

I have heard about people being chased by God but I have never really felt chased down.  This story I am about to share with you is a true chase down.... by God..... of DS#5.

To set the scene.... It's a gorgeous Friday night in August.  The marching band plays the National Anthem.  The cheerleaders sing the school song.  The team is gathered waiting to storm the field.  Friday Night Lights, the real thing.  (I love football!)  I get the text.....

"I'm by the concession stand.  I'm 6'2"so I'm hard to miss.  Wearing a gray t-shirt, headed your way."

I was about to met DS#5's third grade teacher.  Let's call her A.  And sure enough, I didn't miss her.  She was tall and beautiful....  inside and out.

I knew she was coming to the game and was excited to meet her.  You see, I had been hearing about this woman for a while now.  She is pretty much DS#5's only positive memory of life before foster care.  In fact, he has said that she was "like a mother" to him for that year of his life.  He has said this a few times and it always makes me sad and thankful and scared.  Sad that he had to have a teacher "be like a mom" to him.  Thankful that this lovely young woman was willing to "be like a mom" to him.  And scared that some student may have needed this from me and I missed it.  :/

That year A. was a first year teacher.  I think she was 24 at the time.  She was a newly-wed with a new house.  Her husband was a youth minister and a high school teacher.   They had a couple of needy teenage boys (in a bad foster care situation) that stayed with them pretty much all the time.  One of them had special needs.  Her life was full of challenges.  But A. loves Jesus and because of her love of Jesus and her reliance on Him she was able to meet those challenges and fall in love with my sweet baby.

She tells me he was angry and that his home life was very difficult.  She tells me that even through his anger she could see a little boy underneath with a heart full of compassion and a need for love.  I know that little boy.... he moved in with us 4 years ago.... I'm not really sure where he went or when he left but I know this: we don't see him much anymore.  :)

She recalls that #5 was kind of a bully.  (Yep, I've met that guy too.)  But that he really wanted to have friends and that she thought he was mostly frustrated with trying to fit in. (Ummm, yep, again.)  She remembers that she would take him to the gym during recess and they would play basketball together instead of letting him go to the playground, just so he wouldn't get in trouble.  She tells me that  she never met birth mom but never heard anything good about her.  (Not a surprise to me!)  She tells me that she has been praying for my little guy ever since she had him in class and has often wondered what had happened to him.  (I have to tell you that as I proofread this it makes me chuckle at calling him "my little guy"!  He's 6'2" and 245lbs!)

A. recalls the day last spring when her school secretary came to her room and told her that a kid had called school and asked if she still taught there and then asked to speak to her.  He told the secretary that his name had changed but that he used to go by Joey.  A. knew immediately who was on the phone and made a few moments to talk to him.  He told her that she had "changed his life" and that if it was okay with her he would like to see her and he wanted to let her know that he "was okay"!  Through tears she thanked him for calling her and told him that she would love to see him again!

That afternoon he talked to his dad and later me on the phone. (I was in Pittsburgh that week with one of my research students at the International Science and Engineering Fair.)  He told us that he had contacted A. and that he really wanted to go see her again.  He told us again how important she had been to him that year.  He doesn't often share stuff about his past with us.  He has told us things but it isn't some  place he dwells a lot.  (I think because it was so bad and the now is so much better.)  But when he does tell us about his "before us" life we definitely perk up and listen.  Of course, his daddy and I told him he could go meet her.  And I breathed a little prayer that she would understand how important she was to him.  Now I understand that no prayers are wasted.... you can't waste a convo with your Heavenly Father.... but this one had been answered LONG before it ever flitted through my little brain!!  

One afternoon not long after that phone call #5 took to the road and headed to the school where A. still teaches.  She told me how as she looked at #5 she began to cry because she could see that he wasn't that angry little boy.  Through teary eyes she tells me about how she could see that he was now a  happy, healthy, strong young man.  She could tell while talking to him that he loves Jesus and that he really.  is.  okay.

While she tells me these things and other things about #5's past I cry.... several times!  (And while she is telling me these things #5 is on the field, snapping the ball, blocking, making stops, knocking the opponents down and then picking them up and patting them on the top of their helmets! playing a really nice game!  I see most of it through my tears!)

A. took a special interest in my baby boy.  She did a little more.  She cared.  She was hands and feet for a year for #5.  But it didn't stop there.  She continued to pray.  Prayer is soooo powerful.

It was just a little more than a year later, as #5 was about to start fifth grade, that A. heard that his B-mom had dropped him off at a DCFS office.  She was heart-broken for him.  As she told me about hearing this she teared up and says that she was really worried about him.  What does a Christian woman do when the worry rears it's ugly, joy-stealing, time-consuming head.....  she prays and that's exactly what A. did.   She prayed... some more.

And I am so glad that she prayed.  Because God heard those prayers.  He heard them and He answered them.  I wonder how many things were changed because of her prayers.  Did #5 have the courage to ask to talk with #2 that evening at camp because she was praying for him?  Knowing him now we know that would be somewhat uncharacteristic of him.  Was she praying for him when his first foster family decided to become foster parents?  They weren't his forever family but they played a crucially important role.  We were not ready and wouldn't have been able to take him if it had happened three years earlier.  Was she praying for him the day that #2 called me and asked me to pray for him as well because his B-mom had terminated her parental rights, the day that I kept hearing the Lord tell me "hands and feet, hands and feet"?  Was she praying when we had clear Saturdays for the foster parenting classes and there was room for us in those classes?  I feel sure that she prayed a quick foster parent license approval through the system and didn't even realize what she was praying for!!  I would bet hard-earned money (if I were a betting woman) that she was praying the day of that meeting.  The one where the case-worker supervisor wanted our process to take several months and everyone else in the room convinced her to let us move him home in two days!!!  I am absolutely certain that she has been praying at times when I have had supernatural, Holy Spirit-granted, patience or understanding or self-control in dealing with this big goofball of a teenage boy!  I wonder if she was praying for him every time he remembered her and that someone really did care about him.  Could she have been praying for him when he got the idea that he should call the school to ask if she still taught there so many years later?  A. tells me that her last school year ended very badly with her having to tell her class that one of her students had a serious form of leukemia.  Her summer was worse as she visited this student at the children's hospital and then again when he lost his battle just 6 weeks later.  She was struggling at the beginning of this school year when #5 emailed her to ask if she would attend his ballgame.  That invite was just what she needed to remind her of why she teaches.  Wonder who was praying for whom that time?  :)

Now, this blog post is titled "Being Chased Down and Grabbed Ahold of... by God" and so far it has been mostly about people praying and being willing to be used by God.  But that's how God chases us sometimes.... with other people as his feet and He often uses other peoples' hands to grad ahold of us.  I wonder how many times I have had a thought of good to be done, a thought planted by God, a thought prayed into my head by someone interceding for me or someone else, that I have dismissed.  I wonder who God was trying to chase down using me as his feet.  Who have I missed grabbing ahold of for Jesus?  Has he been trying to use someone to chase me down or grab ahold of me?  Have I run away from them and Him?

Lord, I'm sorry for not doing the good I could do.  Give me the strength to do the good you set before me.  Lord, help me to see the opportunity to be hands and feet for you.  Lord, give me another chance to chase and grab ahold of those people that I have missed my opportunity with.  Lord, put new people in my path to chase down for you, to grab ahold of for you.  Lord, don't let me run away from you!  I want to be caught and held onto tightly!  And Lord, thank you for the strength already given me and the answers to prayers already given. Father God, thank you so much for A, for her willingness to be hands and feet for you.  Thank you for putting her in #5's young life to love him before I could get there.  Lord, thank you for her tenacity in loving him even though she hadn't even seen him for nearly ten years!  Thank you, Lord, for the blessing, The. Absolute. Blessing. that it has been to parent this amazing young man.  It truly is one of the five greatest blessing of my life.  Thank you, Jesus, for your scarred hands and feet and your sacrifice... for me, for A., for #5, for all of us.

I would love to hear from you.  Please leave me a comment.

For the Lover and the Chaser of my soul and yours,    

Laurie Jo

Emptying the Nest

Yesterday, hubby and I dropped DS#4 off at college.  He is a sophomore but he transferred to a different university this year so it was a bit like dropping him off as a freshman.  He didn't know anyone.  Nobody knew him.  He didn't know his way around campus. But he didn't want us to stay for the football parent meeting.  And that's okay.  I am so proud of this young man.  He handled this transfer pretty much on his own.  He arranged it all and that's really no small feat anymore.  It's kind of a pain in the butt!  And his transfer was even more of a pain because it involved getting a release for athletics so that he could receive a athletic scholarship and play football at the new school.  That gives me some assurance that he really is capable of doing a lot to take care of himself!  But this makes me sad!  :(  He no longer needs me!  At least not like he used to.  But as I write this I know that this is okay.  It's what is supposed to happen.  It means I've done my job.  But... still sad.  :(

Now to get the last chick out of the nest.  DS#5 is such a sweet young man.  He is caring and loving and has a big heart for the disenfranchised.  I think this probably relates to him being a bit disenfranchised himself.  I should explain that DS#5 is adopted.  We got him when he was 14. I should tell you his story because it is a TOTAL God Thing!

His b-mother, that's what we call his birth mother, basically dropped him at a Department of Children and Family Services office and told the workers that she didn't have any place for him to live.  He was 11 and was just starting the fifth grade.  He was in foster care for 3 years.  His foster father was good to him but he never really bonded with the foster mother.  I feel like this is at partially due to the fact the he didn't, and still doesn't, really trust women.  Who could blame him after what b-mom did?!  His foster family introduced DS#5 to Jesus. (Because of regulations in the foster care system he couldn't be baptized.  Shortly after we got him hubby baptized him into obedience to Jesus.)  He stayed with this foster family for nearly three years.

Enter DS#2.  He was working at a church camp.  One evening DS#5 asked if DS#2 had time to talk and proceeded to tell him that his b-mom had voluntarily given him up for adoption.  He explained that the caseworker had told him that 14 year old boys rarely get adopted.  He was worried at what would become of him.  He wanted a family and he wanted a family that practiced faith in Jesus.  He was scared that he would grow up without a family at all.  It breaks my heart to think of how sad and lost he must have felt.  After their conversation DS#2 told him that he would pray about his situation but really didn't know what else to do.  He was only 21, himself.

The next morning he called me and told me the story and asked me to pray.  I began praying right away but I just kept hearing (not literally, of course) the Lord say "Hands and feet, Laurie Jo, hands and feet."  I knew what the Lord wanted but I also didn't want to make this decision based on emotion and I couldn't make such a decision with hubby.  I told the Lord that if we were to be this boy's parents He would have to make it abundantly clear to us.  He would have to open doors so wide that we could do nothing but fall through them.  The first open door was flung open when I called my husband just a few minutes later.  He had left earlier that day for a work detail that I expected would keep him from answering my call.  I had planned to just leave him a message.  He answered before I even heard the phone ring on my end.  I started to tell him the story of this boy and before I was even halfway through he interrupted and asked "Have you called anyone to see if we can get him?"  I knew then that this would happen.  We were pregnant with a 14 year old boy!

We talked to our other sons, especially DS#4, the only one still living at home.  He was 15 at the time.  All of the boys were immediately excited about a new brother.  So I made some phone calls.  I'm sure that as I explained our story the caseworkers and secretaries in the various offices that I talked with thought I was a crazy lady.  It took a day or two to figure out what the process would be to get DS#5.  We had to first become foster parents then we could adopt DS#5 if he was agreeable as he would be at least 15 by the time that the adoption would be finalized.  I called and asked that an application be sent to us.  That application arrived in the mail within two days and as I looked over the stack of forms I faltered.  It looked daunting.  There were questions that I didn't even understand!!  I wondered how other people did this!  I set the ap aside for a few days.  But I couldn't twiddle much time away because it was already mid-June and we wanted to have the "Baby" before school started.  Finally I took an afternoon and filled out all of the papers.  It really did take a whole afternoon!  5 hours!  And I left some questions blank because I didn't know what in the world they were asking!!!  After a brief respite from form-filling-out I took the forms to our local DCFS office and asked for help and later turned them in.

While we waited for the application to be processed we had to get fingerprinted and have a background check done on all members of the household that were over 16.  That was 4 of us because DS#3 was at home on weekends from college.  We had to have a home inspection.  They wanted all kinds of things like the receipt for our dog's shots and physicals for all of us.  Then hubby and I had to go to classes.  These classes were only offered a few times a year.  A God's timing thing - the classes started the very next weekend.... And they went for the next four Saturdays... And they had room for us in the classes....  And we didn't have one thing on our calender!!  (Nothing short of amazing in itself!)

Seven weeks later on a Tuesday we got our license to be foster parents.  (We have since learned that this process often takes close to a year.  Again, a God thing!)      On Wednesday we meet DS#5 at a Wendy's restaurant.  Let's just say that it was an awkward meeting all the way around.  Who meets their parents for the first time at a fast food restaurant?!  Poor boy, I wish that it could have been a more auspicious meeting place.  On Friday Hubby went to get DS#5 for the evening.  I was already back to school or I would have gone too. We went to a football scrimmage and then had to take him back to his foster family.  The next week we got him for the whole weekend. Taking him back to the foster home was so hard! On that next Wednesday we had a meeting with the caseworker, her boss, two CASA workers, a counselor and the foster dad to determine when we could take the baby home. I was pushing for the next weekend because school had just started and I didn't want him to be too far behind.  The counsellor asked hubby and me to tell the story of how all this happened.  Hubby let me do the telling.  The counsellor told how she thought it was all good and that he seemed ready and so did we.  Then the caseworker said she thought it was all good for us to take him home the coming weekend.  The CASA workers then indicated that they too thought it would be good for DS#5 came home with us the next weekend.  THEN the caseworker's boss spoke up.  She was the ONLY person in the room who had NEVER even laid eyes on DS#5 or us before!  She had the nerve to say that all of this was moving to fast.  Thank goodness that my husband is a bold man.  He spoke up and said that he thought maybe the one person in the room who most needed to be ready should be asked how he was about the whole thing and the the two little CASA workers promptly spoke up and said that they thought DS#5 get a say.  In a very quivery voice he told the room full of people that had the power to decide so much of his fate that he was ready to go home with his family...US!  It was agreed that we would get to take the baby home on Friday....two days away!!  I was as excited as I could possibly be!!! and scared to death!!  I thought "What have I done?  We don't know this boy.  We don't know his history.  We don't know what kind of baggage he carries."  BTW, they (DCFS will say they will tell you everything but if  what they told us was all they knew, well..... then they must not be the brightest bulbs in the box.)

But the Lord is faithful.  He knew that I couldn't handle certain things and those haven't been the things that we have had to deal with.  He also knew that I needed to grow in some ways and sent this teenage boy to challenge me to do that.  I'm not done growing because of being his mom.  But my time with him is swiftly slipping away.  He wants to join the Army after he graduates in the spring.  This alone scares the bejeebers out of me.  But I worry too that we haven't had enough time to give him all the tools he needs to be strong and bold for Jesus.  I worry that he has ideas about women and other things that aren't completely founded in his faith.  Then I remember that God already set this up.  He knows what we all need and he provides!

The nest can empty when it's time.  This little hen is ready.... getting ready anyway.  I will be ready when the time comes.  Not that there won't be tears, I'm sure there will.  But I will be okay and so will he!  Thank you, Jesus, for being all-knowing and all-powerful. Thank you for the opportunity to parent this amazing young man... and his older brothers who are equally amazing.

If you are a foster or adoptive parent I would love to hear from you, leave me a comment.  If you are the parent of teenagers and grown children I would love to hear from you too!  If you are an empty-nester, please let me know how to do it gracefully.  Or if you are just reading to be reading I would love to hear from you too!


For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo



   

Prayer for My Children

A long time ago my mother gave me a little typed and copied slip of paper with a list of 31 things to pray about, one for each day of the month.  I don't remember where she got or even if she told me where she got it.  I remember that she put it on my frig in the house we lived in then and told me to pick the date of the month and pray that day for that thing for my kids.  I have said these prayers for my children ever since that day.  That was over 15 years ago.  I wouldn't want you to think I hadn't missed a day because I certainly have.  I have missed whole weeks and maybe even whole months when I didn't say these prayers for my boys but I have uttered one of these prayers most days of the years that this little slip of paper has been hanging on my frig.  They are simple little prayers, just a sentence long.  Each one is supported by scriptures.  It has amazed me through the years how often the prayer of the day has been just the right prayer for that day.  Lots of times I would pray these prayers will fixing supper.  Many times I would find out that the prayer was needed that day because of something one of the boys would share at supper that very evening.  This happened so many times it couldn't have been a "coincidence"!  I thought that today I would share this list of prayers with you all.  If you have kids you can't do better than to pray for them.


1.   Pray that they will grow as Jesus did.  (Luke 2:52)
2.   Pray that they will truly love the Lord.  (Mark 12:30, I Peter 1:8)
3.   Pray that they will accept Christ early in life.  (2 Tim. 3:15)
4.   Pray that they will offer themselves as living sacrifices. (Romans 12:1)
5.   Pray that they will be disciplined and pure. (1 Cor. 9:27, Phil. 4:8)
6.   Pray that they will be lead by the Holy Spirit. (Eph. 5:18, Gal. 5:22-23)
7.   Pray that their lives will bring glory to God.  (Matt. 5:16, 1 Cor. 6:20)
8.   Pray that they will deny themselves for the Lord.  (Mark 8:34, Phil. 1:21)
9.   Pray that they will love and obey God's Word.  (Psalms 199:97, 2 Tim 3:16)
10. Pray that they will devote themselves to prayer.  (Col. 4:2)
11. Pray that they will live lives of worship and praise.  (Phil. 4:4, Psalms 37:4)
12. Pray that they will love and be faithful to Christ's Church.  (Eph. 3:10)
13. Pray that they will be set apart for the Lord's service.  (2 Tim 2:21)
14. Pray that they will have a hatred for sin.  (Psalms 97:10, Romans 12:9)
15. Pray that they will not love the world.  (1 John 2:15, Romans 12:2, Titus 2:11)
16. Pray that they will choose friends properly.  (Psalms 119:63, Prov. 13:20)
17. Pray that they will turn to God in repentance.  (1 John 1:9, Psalms51:17)
18. Pray that they will be willing to change.  (1 John 1:9, Psalms 51:17)
19. Pray that they will resist the devil and submit to God.  (James 4:7)
20. Pray that they will seek God's will.  (Psalms 37:4, Proverbs 3:5, Romans 12:1)
21. Pray that they will marry the right person.  (2 Cor. 6:14)
22. Pray that they will remain pure before marriage.  (1 Cor. 6:18)
23. Pray that they will not become materialistic.  (Matt. 6:19, 1 Tim. 6:6)
24. Pray that they will value diligence and hard work.  (Eccl. 9:10. 1 Thes. 4:11)
25. Pray that they will know that they are loved.  (Matt. 19:14, Romans 5:8, Psalms 127:3)
26. Pray that they will be truly humble.  (Romans 12:3, James 4:10, Mark 10:44)
27. Pray that they will respect those in authority.  (Eph. 6:1, Romans 13:1)
28. Pray that they will love others and do good to them.  (Mark 12:31, Eph. 5:2)
29. Pray that they will be Godly examples to others.  (Prov. 20:11, Romans 12:17)
30. Pray that they will lead other to Christ.  (James 5:20, Matt. 28:19)
31. Pray that they will remain faithful throughout life.  (Gal. 6:9, Rev. 2:10)

As you can see it is a pretty inclusive list, everything from repentance and acceptance of Jesus to marrying the right person and leading others to Christ.

I told you that I would post somethings that I felt like hubby and I had done right in the parenting realm and I think praying these prayers for my boys was one of them.  I hope you find them as helpful as I have.

May the Lord bless you as you parent your babies.

For the Lover of your soul and mine,

Laurie Jo

Loving Up on my Teenage Son!

I have discovered a way to let DS#5 know how much I think about him and love him.  He really enjoys cute little surprises!  He likes little notes taped to his steering wheel and little treats left for him in his locker or on his pillow.  So  I have searched the internet, especially Pintrest (I LOVE pintrest!!) for creative little treats and other little ways to surprise him and love up on him.  Tomorrow he starts his senior year of high school!  And tomorrow he has a football controlled scrimmage.  He is the starting center (Ladies, that's the guy that hikes the football back to the quarterback.) and he's really good at it.  And on defense he is the nose guard (that's the guy across from the center on defense).  He's pretty darn good at this position too. He's just kind of a big deal in football.  And he's just a big guy, 6'2" and 240 lbs!  (And I swear at least one of those tree trunk legs of his is hollow!) But for all his bigness the little boy on the inside still gets tickled at a treat from his momma.  Tomorrow I will leave him a Reese's BIG cup in his car with a cute little note saying "You're kind of a big deal!"  Cleaver, huh?! :) Not original to me but I can't remember where I saw it so I'm sorry if I'm not crediting someone out there with the original idea.  Anyway, I will put this in his car tonight and know that he will find it in the morning.  It will make him smile and remind him that I think he's a really special, special young man.

If you want to find some of these ideas a really good place to look is www.thedatingdivas.com.  I've mentioned this site before but it bears mentioning again.  There are scads of cutesy-tootsey little ideas.  Many have free printables too.  Check them out!  These chickas are soooo creative!  While most of their ideas are meant for your hubby there are plenty of them that are easily adapted and used for your kiddos.  One that I found there was the framed "I love you because..."  You put that saying under the glass and then change out the reasons that you love them every so often by writing on the glass with a dry erase marker or a sharpie.  Both can be easily removed with a few drops of alcohol.  I made one of these for DS#5.  I'm not as good at keeping it updated as I should be but I think he appreciates it.  He's kind of quiet so it's hard to tell sometimes!  I plan to to this for hubby and DS#4 too but neither of them needed reassurance from me as much as DS#5 so he got the first one.

I would love to include a pic of these ideas but I'm kind of techno-illiterate.  I need help!  Maybe I'll get it figured out and can add them later.  Sorry!

When you are feeling like a gulf is developing between you and your teen leaving a little note or sweet surprise might be a good way to remind them of your love.

And if you have any ideas for ways to build a child's self-esteem or bridge the gulf that sometimes develops between parents and kids, please leave me a comment!  I would love to hear from you!

For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo