Musings on Marriage and Woohoo! :-)

Hubby and I went on a little date.  We took the evening of 'no football' to run out and see a movie.  Several friends had told me how good it was and how funny "Hope Springs" was.  I wasn't disappointed.  It was funny in parts but it had more parts that were just sad to me.  I would recommend it but it isn't a romantic comedy! (I would not recommend it for children or even teens.  There is frank discussion about sexual matters and  besides that I don't think they would enjoy it at all! or , at least, I don't think my 18 and 19 yo DSs would!)  It is about an empty-nester couple who are in a total rut in their marriage.  They work, she cooks, he eats and watches the Golf Channel.  They aren't intimate anymore and haven't been for over 4 years!  I will tell you that I am completely saddened by this. I got the feeling from nervous laughter in the theater that this situation isn't that uncommon.  In the movie it finally comes out that she often turned him away earlier in their marriage.  Of course, this isn't the only problem or really even the biggest problem.  They also have trouble communicating.... about everything but, of course, that means there is trouble communicating in intimate situations too.  He has shut her off and she has clammed up.   Just like my mammaw said "Two wrongs don't make a right." These things and some others have added up to her being dissatisfied with the marriage.  The catch is she still really loves him and he loves her too.  They just really vacuum (that's my word for  'sucks' because I hate that word!) at it!  It got me to thinking though.  What could she have done differently to avoid this problem.  Here are my muddled musings....

(BTW, I am writing about what she could have done because I think I probably have a predominantly female readership on this blog.  I am mulling over a post about what he could have done.  Maybe.. someday... because I figure there might be a few men out there reading too.)

1.  Don't turn your husband away when it comes to sexual intimacy.  Why?

Because he loves you... no matter what size you are or whether you have shaved your legs today.  It doesn't bother him that you are wearing an old t-shirt to bed.  In fact, he might like it. :)  He needs you.  Men have a need for physical intimacy and it can sometimes be a gateway to emotional intimacy.  Ladies, I know that we are often wired in exactly the opposite way.  We need emotional intimacy before we feel "romantically inclined" but it's okay to do it the other way around sometimes too.

Now don't get me wrong... sometimes... if you are sick or dead on your feet or ??? of course, it's OK to say to your sweet hubby "Honey, I just don't feel good or I'm just too tired' but as a general rule take the good advice given to me by an older woman shortly before my wedding.... "Don't say No very often."  She actually told me that if I didn't say no I would probably find myself having a good time before too long anyway and end up not regretting it.  She has been right many, many times.  ;)

2.   Be a fun, creative partner.

Men who love their wives often get a great deal of satisfaction from providing a pleasurable experience for their wife.  We should do the same.  We should be willing to allow our hubby to please us and willing to do things that please him.  Again, a caveat... I don't mean that you should do things that are physically uncomfortable but don't refuse do something because you have some notion from somewhere in your past that it's nasty or disgusting or ????  Ladies, God created sexual intimacy.  He wants us to enjoy it!  Have a little fun with it!  Be adventurous!  (Of course, this is within the confines of things that you and hubby both agree to and within the boundaries of your marriage but after that anything else is fair game.)  That same wise older woman give me this good advice as well.  "Now that you're married... anything goes!"  :)

3.  Talk!!!!

For some of us this comes naturally; for others it's more difficult.  Some of us are married to guys that don't have the gift of words.  You still need to communicate with that man of yours.  If something is wrong in your marriage it won't get fixed by ignoring it.  If you need to talk, you must talk.  Talk first to the Lover of your soul.  Pour your heart out to Jesus first and ask for guidance.  Ask Him to work on you first, to fix you first!  Then if you still have a problem ask Him to give you opportunities and words to talk to your sweet husband.  Then wait!  Wait for the right time and the right words.  Sometimes it helps to write things down.  Or, at least, it helps me!  Sometimes when I write things down they sound so completely stupid or silly that I decide I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.  Other times I use my writing as a way to organize my thoughts.

Whatever you do I sincerely hope that no one reading this is as sad as the couple in this movie!  If  you are reading this and you and your hubby are struggling in this area you can know this...  right now, this evening, I have said a prayer for you that things will improve like they did for the couple in the movie!  (Sorry for the spoiler but you would have guessed it anyway!)


For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo



        

One Secret to Wedded Bliss....Running away from home! Together!

The hubby and I ran away from home last week!  Just for one night and we didn't run very far but we did run.  In fact, we went a mere 11 miles and stayed less than 24 hours but those hours were oh so good!

Some of you might be asking why do this for just that long and only go that far away.  Well, it's not really about travelling and seeing anything new (obviously); although we did enjoy seeing our destination as tourists even though it's in our home county.  And it's not really about time, again obviously. It was about being together, alone, and just being us, not mom and dad, or teacher and police officer, just a man and a woman in love for a lifetime.  

How do we do this?  Well, we did get lucky and got our room at the resort for free from a friend but we have done this even when it cost us a bit of cash.  But if cash is an issue, here are a few options and ideas.

1. Look for coupons online.  Check sites that post special deals like ideeli and livingsocial.  You sign up for emails and they have  some great deals.  Be sure to read the fine print on the deals but lots of people have great success with these sites.  You can even find deals for dinner out and fun attractions and events, movies, amusement park tix, etc. to go with your night at the hotel.

But if even with the coupons it's still not in the budget.... (We've been there!)

2. Find a babysitter.  Use grandparents and aunts and uncles!  Or farm the kids out to sleep-overs with buddies and plan an evening at home for just the two of you.  Our chicks that are still at home are old enough (18 and 19) to stay by themselves and they did.  Oh, the joys of having older kids!  You could fix a special dinner for hubby or order out with the money you save by staying at home or you could go out for dinner and return home later.  Whatever you choose to do make sure it's just the two of you.

3. Trade babysitting with another couple.  This works especially well if the other couples' children are close in age to your own but they don't have to be.  Sometimes it's good for kids to be around older kids.  They think it's cool.  And, of course, for older children they can be a great help with little ones so you might just be doing the other couple a bit of a favor by having your 10-15 year old stay with them if they have babies to younger school age kids.  

What to do on your date?  Well, we did the standard dinner out and a movie because hubby really wanted to see a new flick that just came out a bit ago.  We did change it up a bit when we went back to the resort, we checked in on a little club that had live entertainment.  There was a torch singer that was was really good.  I had seen her before and knew what we would be hearing so I knew he would enjoy her performance.  But again you can be as cheap or as elaborate or creative as you want.

You could....
1.  rent a movie at the little red vending machine
2.  order one on cable if you have that capability
3.  go fishing
4.  go hiking
5.  go golfing
6.  go bowling
7.  go to a museum
8.  go for a bike ride
9.  go to a festival
10.go to a game, baseball, basketball, football, whatever
11.play miniature golf
12. lazer tag
13.go paint-balling
..... the possibilities are really endless!

Active dates are probably better because there's more time for conversation.  If you want to be really creative or at least fool your hubby into thinking that you're really creative, go to www.thedatingdivas.com.  These gals have tons of really creative, cute, fun, and cheap date night ideas.  I am truly amazed by these women.  But I will admit that sometimes I look at their ideas and know that my husband would roll on the floor laughing at some of them but while the tears were rolling down his face from the hilarity I know he would appreciate the thought and effort that had gone into the planning and preparation of some of these fun dates.  Check them out.  They really are divas!

The main thing is ... don't take the kids!  No kids allowed! at all! not for dinner or the movie or the activity or staying the night with you!!!  They will live.  In fact, they will be assured that their parents still love each other and that is a precious and important assurance for kids these days.

Leave a comment for me if you have a great idea for a date night or fun get-away idea for just the two of you.  Or you can just leave a comment for any reason.  I would love to hear from you!

Wishing you wedded bliss!

For the Lover of my soul and yours,

Laurie Jo